tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-66271094293709607022024-02-18T16:05:32.937+11:00the wholefood mamaBY NIKKI FISHERNikki Fisherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07061038678819861999noreply@blogger.comBlogger613125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6627109429370960702.post-17492134096725150582019-08-20T16:57:00.000+10:002019-08-20T16:59:25.901+10:00Come Fly With Me<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimvn870zDh3P8RkYTERu0eR4ebcpGdldj5zMbKwGRRRSOB_1MKSCuDke3jU7K5vNikzdHjJ8ILlq8KPVNp2rGtMmofdeVIZA0NPH7X1j8sXjM3T5hVPsq7_DVc_o82pVfWbU56bmC7aQdb/s1600/nikki_fisher_portrait.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="710" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimvn870zDh3P8RkYTERu0eR4ebcpGdldj5zMbKwGRRRSOB_1MKSCuDke3jU7K5vNikzdHjJ8ILlq8KPVNp2rGtMmofdeVIZA0NPH7X1j8sXjM3T5hVPsq7_DVc_o82pVfWbU56bmC7aQdb/s1600/nikki_fisher_portrait.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
I don't want to leave you behind!<br />
<br />
I've created <a href="http://www.nikkifisherwriter.com/" target="_blank">a new website and blog</a> dedicated to my writing life and I'd love you to come along.<br />
<br />
There'll still be talk of food (when is there not?) but the main focus will be writing, the business of writing and more focus on women and how we need to take charge of the world (broad topics I know), more than mothering and children. Sing hallelujah. I'm ready.<br />
<br />
Don't get me wrong, I'm still one of the most naturally maternal women you'll ever meet but after 10 years of deep focus on my family and children in my writing it's time to lift my head up and take a good look at life from a fresh vantage point.<br />
<br />
My boys have grown (tween and teen now!) and so have I since I began this blog and probably so have you!<br />
<br />
It's time for all of us to pack up our wholefood lunchboxes, step out of the sandpit and spread our wings.<br />
<br />
I do hope you'll come along for the next chapter.<br />
<br />
Click on over to <a href="http://www.nikkifisherwriter.com/" target="_blank">Nikki Fisher Writer </a>and sign up to my list so we can stay in touch and I can hopefully entertain and inspire you to get writing, keep writing or do whatever it is that fills your creative heart (and bank account if that's your goal).<br />
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I'll miss you otherwise! Thanks for being part of The Wholefood Mama xxx<br />
<br />
<br />Nikki Fisherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07061038678819861999noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6627109429370960702.post-91446317028770584692018-12-17T13:52:00.000+11:002018-12-17T13:54:14.990+11:00It's Ok To Change Your Mind<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiutbftVpwn2zJ-28q3swfwOOaRaQ6v-WmLAKitWtkvbHFso-Gm5wXGjIcrEfhry0zbUZDrT-bLuWgwoXKWHHOL1hfL5vH8PuZMQV1P-kn0lTljN5r1WYsfhUZVLT2eTKIPQ-pLQfAIDdfX/s1600/blog_guardian_river_and_sol_peter_mcconchie+copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="645" data-original-width="650" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiutbftVpwn2zJ-28q3swfwOOaRaQ6v-WmLAKitWtkvbHFso-Gm5wXGjIcrEfhry0zbUZDrT-bLuWgwoXKWHHOL1hfL5vH8PuZMQV1P-kn0lTljN5r1WYsfhUZVLT2eTKIPQ-pLQfAIDdfX/s1600/blog_guardian_river_and_sol_peter_mcconchie+copy.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Point Nepean National Park photo <a href="http://www.riverandsol.com.au/" target="_blank">by Peter McConchie</a></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
At 5.30am last Monday, the day we were meant to be going to Fish Creek and staying the night so Sol and River could go to orientation days at their new schools, Pete woke me to talk.<br />
<br />
For those of you who have been following along at home or are directly in my real life, you'll know <a href="https://nikkifisher.blogspot.com/2018/10/transitioning.html" target="_blank">moving to South Gippsland</a> from the Mornington Peninsula has been a huge decision for our family that we've been working toward for months.<br />
<br />
I had a tenant lined up for our house on the Peninsula, I had applications in for rental houses in South Gippsland, the boys were all signed up at schools, I was winding up work here and lining up work there, the wheels were fully in motion.<br />
<br />
What on earth could Pete want to talk about at that early hour?<br />
<br />
It turns out, he had changed his mind.<br />
<br />
"It is not the right time for us to be making this move, I can't move the boys from their networks they are happy here and this time is about them not me," he said.<br />
<br />
I was stunned. And happy and grateful and concerned and relieved all at once.<br />
<br />
But most of all I was actually filled with love for Pete for making such a big call at the eleventh hour and for thinking and feeling so deeply about what we were about to do and putting us first "I'm making a family decision, not a me decision" he said. When it could have in some ways been easier to stay proud in a way and plough on with the decision, purely because that's what we said we were going to do.<br />
<br />
And that's why I say it's ok to change your mind.<br />
<br />
We don't have anything to prove to anyone our job is to honor what's right for our family hard as that is sometimes, and sometimes that calls for hard decisions being made at the last minute.<br />
<br />
And so we are staying. Sol and River will continue their schooling here and we get to continue and strengthen our friendships and work opportunities here.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqsZrylmHPBlGFhD67cM6_pk8KTH6z6n1fHczg7U3EFVfMTQZ29j9MaA-dO7aiDxwOfSjY4VUofeViUW68Lo0YfCl_yWyi8J37yhJc-pe84XXWFpkwa5nS5bpBjQGQP2w6UMO6OqmV7bHx/s1600/blog_gull_crossing_river_and_sol_peter_mcconchie+copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="643" data-original-width="650" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqsZrylmHPBlGFhD67cM6_pk8KTH6z6n1fHczg7U3EFVfMTQZ29j9MaA-dO7aiDxwOfSjY4VUofeViUW68Lo0YfCl_yWyi8J37yhJc-pe84XXWFpkwa5nS5bpBjQGQP2w6UMO6OqmV7bHx/s1600/blog_gull_crossing_river_and_sol_peter_mcconchie+copy.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Gull Crossing photo <a href="http://www.riverandsol.com.au/" target="_blank">by Peter McConchie</a></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
I haven't told our change of plan to one person yet who has been disappointed we're staying.<br />
In fact with a couple of people it has been a bit like when you break up with someone and then the truth comes out "I never really liked them anyway" which has been kind of funny and comforting that our friends and community are so supportive even when they weren't entirely convinced we were making the right decision to go.<br />
<br />
I did have a strange experience leading up to the potential move that I'll tell you now and didn't tell anyone at the time.<br />
<br />
I had been having what I thought were heart palpitations accompanied with shortness of breath, although I didn't know exactly what a palpitation felt like I thought that's what I was having, racing heart no pain.<br />
<br />
I was hoping they would just go away but after a few days and they weren't going away I thought I'd better get them checked out. My mother did die of a heart attack at 44 after all.<br />
<br />
So, one night once Sol and River were in bed I said to Pete, "Now I don't want to alarm you and I know I will but I'm having these weird heart beat things and shortness of breath and I'm going to take myself to the emergency department to get it checked out."<br />
<br />
Pete panics at the best of times so this was not an easy thing to tell him but for my own peace of mind - and heart health! - I had to do it. He took it better than I thought he would and I promised to keep him closely updated.<br />
<br />
I didn't think I was having a heart attack but was slightly freaked by the sensation.<br />
<br />
I arrived at the ER and as soon as you mention the words 'heart palpitations' and 'strong family history of heart disease' you're seen to pretty immediately.<br />
<br />
Before I could say 'don't panic' I was in a bed attached to a heart rate monitor having an ECG, blood pressure tested, blood tests being taken and a chest x ray lined up. It was action stations, which in itself was both comforting and disconcerting.<br />
<br />
I was wheeled in the bed up to where I would have the chest x ray.<br />
<br />
It was a small room, they wheeled the bed in feet first and pushed the bed up feet first up against the wall where I was facing a huge landscape photograph of...Wilson's Promontory National Park, the area we were meant to be moving to.<br />
<br />
I was mesmerised. Always one to look for the 'signs' what did this mean? I thought it was weird that they would have a photograph of the Prom on the wall of a Mornington Peninsula hospital.<br />
<br />
At first I thought it meant it was a sign that we were on the right track and yes that's where we were meant go.<br />
<br />
About a week later I flipped on that idea and decided it was a warning that no we weren't meant to leave what we have here on the Peninsula.<br />
<br />
Oh and the heart issue? All they could put it down to was low potassium. They gave me a dreadful tasting potassium drink and told me to eat a few bananas.<br />
<br />
Fast forward to today I've had some blood test results and turns out the palpitations and shortness of breath are caused by my extremely low ferritin and iron count so I'll be having an iron transfusion asap.<br />
<br />
On a final and seemingly unrelated note I want to share a link to this video over at Marie Forleo TV:<br />
<br />
<a href="https://www.marieforleo.com/2018/10/harville-hendrix-helen-lakelly-hunt-marriage-advice/" target="_blank">How To Save Your Marriage</a><br />
<br />
Marie Forleo is basically an online business coach who I follow and this video landed in my inbox about a month ago and not that my marriage needs saving I'm always up for learning tips on how to make it easier and better.<br />
<br />
This is an hour long video, it is quite academic in parts but I think there are some real wisdom pearls in there and worth a watch.<br />
<br />
Hang in there sisters it's a bumpy ride sometimes (life and love) but so worth it.<br />
<br />
Thankyou to my darling friends who have supported me so generously and unconditionally over these particular bumps xxxNikki Fisherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07061038678819861999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6627109429370960702.post-58470219354962245492018-12-06T23:37:00.000+11:002018-12-06T23:38:08.893+11:00Choose Love<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvsIuIOJ9VyGHRLQ1VjC7JX01KtSpau1Yg9MhqFS7QBbQi0Ctex2ishJWSESDTugLgekSBlGYhyphenhyphen9Py6SUBD_OGeUNa4iaxb683EGh9F3pFWBaciEgCckBNEBKBZsIfdQeLe8JVtQqfjvkD/s1600/Museum_of_modern_love.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="997" data-original-width="650" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvsIuIOJ9VyGHRLQ1VjC7JX01KtSpau1Yg9MhqFS7QBbQi0Ctex2ishJWSESDTugLgekSBlGYhyphenhyphen9Py6SUBD_OGeUNa4iaxb683EGh9F3pFWBaciEgCckBNEBKBZsIfdQeLe8JVtQqfjvkD/s1600/Museum_of_modern_love.jpg" /></a></div>
My sister-in-law Davini was in New York last week for the US launch of her friend Heather Rose's acclaimed book The Museum of Modern Love.<br />
<br />
Heather's novel was inspired by artist Marina Abramovic's 2010 performance 'The Artist is Present' in which Marina silently engaged with members of the audience while seated in the atrium of the Museum of Modern Art in New York.<br />
<br />
Heather won the <a href="https://thestellaprize.com.au/prize/2017-prize/the-museum-of-modern-love/" target="_blank">2017 Stella prize</a> for her novel, the judges said:<br />
<br />
<h3>
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><i>"It is rare to encounter a novel with such powerful characterisation, such a deep understanding of the consequences of personal and national history, such affection for a city and the people who are drawn to it, and such dazzling and subtle explorations of the importance of art in everyday life."</i></span></h3>
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Which brings me to my next point: art in everyday life.<br />
<br />
I've realised a dream of my own this week - not quite at the scale of Heather's magnificent work - but a creative feat that I've put a lot of work into and am thrilled I can finally share it with the world.<br />
<br />
And that is the launch of <a href="http://www.riverandsol.com.au/" target="_blank">River & Sol Gallery </a>the online home of Pete's extensive collection of beautiful photography taken over the past 25 years, complete with store selling prints, books, cards, limited edition prints and soon to arrive organic cotton t-shirts and tote bags featuring photography.<br />
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Inspired by a post Davini shared on Instagram while she was in New York of a neon sign that spelled out CHOOSE LOVE, I've made that the launch code for print purchases on the gallery valid until midnight Friday 7th. </div>
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If you fall in love with a print on the gallery type in CHOOSELOVE at the checkout and receive 20% off your purchase, free shipping in Australia.</div>
<br />
Davini going to New York to be with Heather reaffirmed to me that anything is possible in this lifetime. Opportunities and adventures don't end or run out, life continues to expand it doesn't shrink just because we're mums and wives and have responsibilities and people depending on us. We too can spread our wings and fly across the seas to celebrate our friend's successes.<br />
<br />
It keeps my faith alive that good things happen when authors like Heather take time to put pen to paper and to follow the story, just trust and have courage to go where the story takes you.<br />
<br />
xoNikki Fisherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07061038678819861999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6627109429370960702.post-14132055118289786572018-11-25T19:50:00.001+11:002018-11-25T19:50:50.873+11:00Goodbye Wholefood Mama?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLwbRaCf3KEJgpvXUuq-3p8BeybdWXvA0Rz413iKkH6T9mFk-k3YGeOXoe8dxwSmZPGkKgmHu1JHK2xpR2W1nA5jqKRVzKGoXPGxp3H8MT9L5fRq25H60XsLJBLDd_6zLryjWz-0OY0zym/s1600/20180429_194157+copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="867" data-original-width="650" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLwbRaCf3KEJgpvXUuq-3p8BeybdWXvA0Rz413iKkH6T9mFk-k3YGeOXoe8dxwSmZPGkKgmHu1JHK2xpR2W1nA5jqKRVzKGoXPGxp3H8MT9L5fRq25H60XsLJBLDd_6zLryjWz-0OY0zym/s1600/20180429_194157+copy.jpg" /></a></div>
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<br />
Hi Ladies (and Derek :) (I have one male reader that I know of),<br />
<br />
How was your weekend? Mine was great I had the whole weekend off from the restaurant, much as I love my work there it was so nice to have time stretching out in front of me with nowhere I had to be.<br />
<br />
Anyway, I'm popping in here on Sunday evening because I have time and energy to do so! And because I want to ask your opinion about something.<br />
<br />
Last week I had my first business coaching session with <a href="http://www.thecontentcoach.com.au/" target="_blank">The Content Coach</a> aka Jo Johnson.<br />
<br />
Jo and I have actually known each other since our twenties, we met through boyfriends at the time, we all went our separate ways and I reconnected with Jo when we realised we were both living on the Peninsula.<br />
<br />
Jo had a successful corporate career and now has a great business working for herself as an author, writing coach and marketing mentor.<br />
<br />
The session was so helpful for getting clarity and direction on what should come first in my long list of business ideas, projects and opportunities, and how I should focus my time. Focus being the operative word.<br />
<br />
Here's the thing I want your opinion on:<br />
<br />
I talked to Jo about wanting to write a series of books and to develop writing workshops, namely a workshop titled Write To Heal, and whether or not I should continue blogging under the Wholefood Mama 'brand' or switch to my name and develop my 'platform' rebranding to Nikki Fisher.<br />
<br />
The whole topic feels slightly weird to talk about but as I know some of my most dedicated readers here are dear friends whose expertise and opinions I value I thought I'd put it out here to you, my readers :)<br />
<br />
What do you think?<br />
<br />
Continue as Wholefood Mama or switch and put myself out there as Nikki Fisher?<br />
<br />
I've definitely outgrown writing about what to put in lunchboxes #spareme but I still kind of like being the Wholefood Mama, I still think it sums up to some degree who I am.<br />
<br />
Jo thinks it is time to let it go and be more of Nikki. #abitscary<br />
<br />
Love your thoughts. Email me nikkifisher@iprimus.com.au<br />
<br />
<i>photo is me in kindergarten circa 1978</i>Nikki Fisherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07061038678819861999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6627109429370960702.post-60757055695179878822018-11-22T07:03:00.000+11:002018-11-22T07:03:14.599+11:00Motherhood Unplugged<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSrPQGDVQ95Nc6jzanPz-eHzoP6Z2lHj33SnaN11kEF0tDFwqx6dVJgzKNyM1py2Fgmvq6t6uUodEmPbZwDELK-Bm3hAAKnuO6QA6VAZQUTA6BPLp-cfrV0FERlEfs4hfDYSr2HUNDJRR2/s1600/wholefood_mama_phone_use.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="482" data-original-width="650" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSrPQGDVQ95Nc6jzanPz-eHzoP6Z2lHj33SnaN11kEF0tDFwqx6dVJgzKNyM1py2Fgmvq6t6uUodEmPbZwDELK-Bm3hAAKnuO6QA6VAZQUTA6BPLp-cfrV0FERlEfs4hfDYSr2HUNDJRR2/s1600/wholefood_mama_phone_use.jpeg" /></a></div>
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Are you addicted to your phone?<br />
<br />
Go on be honest.<br />
<br />
Perhaps you don't think you are but if you really paid attention to how much time you spend scrolling or how you take your phone absolutely everywhere you go, then maybe, just maybe you'd think 'hmmmm I'm actually super distracted by my phone'.<br />
<br />
A little while ago River (my 12 year old son) came up with the idea that we should all do personal challenges, "Mum I think yours should be not using your phone for a whole day".<br />
<br />
Ouch. That kind of stung a little. Is my phone use really dominating my day and my attention?<br />
<br />
I think it is.<br />
<br />
So much communicating between mums happens via text and through apps - drop offs, pick ups, sports practice, school activities often all that information requires me to be looking at my phone, or paying attention to it while I'm doing something else as I wait for the beep of a reply.<br />
<br />
Social media is a whole other story of distraction that is up to me to keep in check.<br />
<br />
I have certainly burnt toast while falling down the social media rabbit hole but I'm sure much worse things have happened because focus is on the screen and not on what is happening in the room.<br />
<br />
One thing I'm really glad about is that Instagram wasn't invented when I was breastfeeding my babies. No mother blame, guilt or shame intended here!! But if it had of been I could imagine myself tempted in the depth of the night breast feeding and scrolling over the top of my baby's head for hours.<br />
<br />
My sister-in-law, Davini, and I were chatting about social media distraction, Davini realised she was unwittingly losing hours of her life to facebook so set herself a social media 'curfew' - no social media during the day, only between 4pm - 6pm and even then just for a short time within those hours (her children are all over the age of 17 so she's not dealing with toddlers and babies during those hours).<br />
<br />
I don't watch TV, I rarely watch Netflix (I know, what's wrong with me?) but I do lose myself to social media each day, if I'm honest probably for one to two hours. Some of that time is work but some of it is just pure escapism.<br />
<br />
<b>The answer?</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
It's going to look different for everyone but here are some ideas:<br />
<br />
- If your phone addiction is really bad I would suggest deleting social media apps and going cold turkey for a while.<br />
<br />
- If you can't face that at least turn the notifications off.<br />
<br />
- Consider not having email come to your phone. That way you won't be tempted to 'just quickly check' your email and then wind up on Instagram. You will also be more focused at your desk if you set time purely to respond to email.<br />
<br />
- I'm guessing you set times for your children to have screen time, try setting some times for yourself AND STICKING TO THEM. One thing I have always done is turn off the computer at pick up time and not go back on it until the boys are in bed. I've had 6.5 hours while they're at school to be on screens for work I want to give them my full attention when I see them.<br />
<br />
- When you go to the park or sporting events with your kids leave your phone in the car. Our kids want our full attention in these situations. Everything else can wait.<br />
<br />
- At home have a place that you store your phone that is out of sight that way you won't be tempted to check it so frequently.<br />
<br />
- Try Screen Free Sunday for the whole family.<br />
<br />
And if you want to read a whole book on the topic take a look at <i><a href="https://amzn.to/2FAkaPi" target="_blank">How To Break Up With Your Phone.</a></i><br />
<br />
Now put down your phone :)<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Nikki Fisherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07061038678819861999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6627109429370960702.post-10714504753837234992018-11-13T14:58:00.001+11:002018-11-13T14:58:08.305+11:00Behind The Scenes<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Two weeks slipped by so easily between posts.<br />
<br />
So now I'm making space to reflect which is something we don't do enough in the busy times we live in.<br />
<br />
If we just continually strive to keep up with the busyness, how do we ever change track if the busy one isn't getting us where we really want to be? Isn't fulfilling us?<br />
<br />
That's why I think making time to reflect and appreciate is important.<br />
<br />
And for me that usually means writing.<br />
<br />
So, what's been happening over these past two weeks?<br />
<br />
Well, I made pastry. By hand. From scratch.<br />
<br />
I rubbed butter into flour, then poured a couple of tablespoons of chilled water into the buttery, floury mix and 'cut' the water in with a butter knife like I watched my great grandmother do a thousand times standing by her side when I was a child.<br />
<br />
Her kitchen was a haven for me. I learnt so much and every time I make pastry I think of her and think how lucky I am to have learnt a skill that not many people learn now as part of their childhood.<br />
<br />
I rolled the pastry out with a yellow handled wooden rolling pin gifted to me by my friend Lucy who I haven't seen in years but I have such warm memories of our old friendship, of a time when all our babes were babies and we spent more time together because life was running slow on 'baby time'.<br />
<br />
Lucy would call me on a weekday morning and say "I'm making pikelets, come 'round" and we would sit with the children, drink tea, chat and eat pikelets dripping with butter and jam.<br />
<br />
***<br />
<br />
This year was the first year that Melbourne Cup really bothered me - sorry to my friends who love frocking up and having a flutter - first and foremost what bothered me most was thinking about those beautiful horses and what they endure, and then there is just the excess that goes with the whole thing.<br />
<br />
I know it translates to jobs across lots of industries but there was just something about it this year that made me feel...icky. It was interesting to see amidst the photos of fashion and opulence there was also so much backlash against the Cup on social media this year. I took it as a sign of evolution!<br />
<br />
***<br />
<br />
I marvelled at grace this past week.<br />
<br />
I have a darling friend, Tess.<br />
<br />
Tess is amazing and wonderful and talented and funny, strong and smart, she's a damn fine cook, a natural born writer, loves a wilderness adventure, a mama to two beautiful boys, wife to a beautiful man. And, she is living with cancer.<br />
<br />
The cancer part completely sucks. To say the least.<br />
<br />
Not so long after Tess was diagnosed we upgraded our friendship and adopted each other as sisters, which is a gift I treasure.<br />
<br />
Last week we got to go out for lunch together and when we arrived at the cafe, a spunky young waiter beamed a smile at us and welcomed us in, he asked 'how are you?'<br />
<br />
Those three little words rang through me.<br />
<br />
Tess smiled graciously, said she was good and we were seated at our table.<br />
<br />
Despite all the pain and nausea and vast unknown that is cancer, Tess was gracious and warm and engaging with every person we encountered.<br />
<br />
I mean, I know when people ask 'how are you?' they're not expecting to get your life story - or sometimes even the truth - but this day Tess was grace personified and it stood out to me.<br />
<br />
***<br />
<br />
On the weekend I opened the Sunday papers to see my friend Georgie and her gorgeous fam smiling back at me, a story featuring their beautiful home and <a href="http://www.georgiewilson.com.au/" target="_blank">Georgie's art.</a><br />
<br />
Looking at those pages, well it all looks so effortless right G? :)<br />
<br />
But we all know that behind every success story there's hard work, determination, highs, lows, wins and losses.<br />
<br />
You see Georgie used to be a cosmetic sales manager, she was great at her job but she had a natural born talent with a paint brush she wasn't using.<br />
<br />
We all nudged her along, 'what are you doing?!' 'you should be painting!'<br />
<br />
I wrote the press release for her first exhibition.<br />
<br />
The paintings were beautiful. Deep, moody hues, her signature take on florals and blooms.<br />
<br />
Georgie worked fiercely to paint those paintings with a baby at her feet and side jobs to juggle to pay the bills and make it all happen.<br />
<br />
And happen it has, but it took courage and faith and focus and a whole cheer squad which I'm happy and proud to be part of.<br />
<br />
***<br />
<br />
Another gorgeous talented friend (lucky me to have so many lol) leant me a copy of <a href="https://shop.hellolunchlady.com.au/collections/frontpage/products/pre-order-issue-11?variant=8443863498804" target="_blank">Lunch Lady</a> this week, ooh how I love it! The writing is so good. The recipes simple and yummy. The design is fun, love everything about it.<br />
<br />
***<br />
<br />
And I've been listening to Ann Patchett on the <a href="https://bookmama.com/beautiful-writers-podcast/ann-patchett-on-the-beautiful-writers-podcast/" target="_blank">Beautiful Writer's Podcast,</a> so inspiring about committing to one's craft and just Doing The Work.<br />
<br />
***<br />
<br />
Scary moment of the week was receiving a text from a school mum friend to say that Sol had broken the news to her son that...SANTA ISN'T REAL!!!! Omg.<br />
<br />
That's what happens when you have a big brother.<br />
<br />
I had a chat with Sol and borrowed the advice from my sister-in-law, explaining to Sol he is now the keeper of the magic of Christmas for the little children so it's best he keeps that special knowledge to himself.<br />
<br />
#disasteraverted #magicofchristmassaved<br />
<br />
***<br />
<br />
There are always so many layers to what goes on behind the scenes of people's public lives, how we all have private stories and that more than ever being kind to each other really matters.<br />
<br />
I'm making time to count my blessings and instead of being hard myself for all the things I haven't done, I'm noting all the things I have done and moving forward feeling happy from there.<br />
<br />
Because big hearted love for this life with all it's highs and lows, hurts and triumphs is what's needed.<br />
<br />
(Coffee, chocolate and wine are not the answer. Take it from me and my pants that came back from the dry cleaner this week and don't do up).Nikki Fisherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07061038678819861999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6627109429370960702.post-81516725303930900892018-10-30T12:22:00.000+11:002018-10-30T12:22:42.557+11:00Transitioning<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
<br />
We're moving.<br />
<br />
And it's bittersweet.<br />
<br />
Being part of a family, it's tricky to balance everyone's needs, dreams and desires.<br />
<br />
And it isn't always a case of the one who shouts the loudest gets heard.<br />
<br />
Pete and I have been having a recurring conversation about moving for many years, and now it is finally happening.<br />
<br />
We moved from Melbourne to the Peninsula 13 years ago when I was pregnant with River.<br />
<br />
Apart from Pete I knew no one who lived here. I think I'd only been to the Peninsula a handful of times.<br />
<br />
Pete was connected to the ocean and land here through his surfing and photography, he had some long time surfing mates but they weren't people we spent a lot of time with.<br />
<br />
I didn't really care, sure I'd left a big life and network in Melbourne that I'd created through my work in restaurants and as a journalist but I was ready for the next chapter - having a baby and becoming a family.<br />
<br />
If I look back on the transition it wasn't without its tears, fears and frustrations but I was deeply happy in other ways because being a mother and creating a family was a deeply held dream.<br />
<br />
It's taken a long, long time for the Peninsula to truly feel like home and ironically now that it does, we're leaving.<br />
<br />
In the July school holidays this year we went on a camping trip to Waratah Bay and were instantly charmed.<br />
<br />
We stopped in at a cafe in Fish Creek and were surprised and happy to find it owned by an old friend of mine from restaurant days in Melbourne. I knew Pete would be thinking this a 'sign' we were meant to be here.<br />
<br />
Sure enough he did and the conversation about relocating to South Gippsland began.<br />
<br />
This move is our compromise.<br />
<br />
Ideally Pete would have loved us to be moving to southern New South Wales to the Bermagui / Bega area.<br />
<br />
We have friends there living the life that Pete dreams of - sustainable, self-sufficient, in an artistic, creative community.<br />
<br />
After many months of Pete trying to convince me that moving to southern New South Wales would be a great idea I had to find in myself a capital letters "NO"for him to understand that it was not something I was ever prepared to do.<br />
<br />
Southern N.S.W. is eight hours drive from the Peninsula, 5 hours to Sydney and 3 hours to Canberra -that's not a location I'm excited about.<br />
<br />
Now, one of the things that first attracted me to Pete way back when was his focus and determination to make his visions become a reality. I admired that. Any project or book he dreams up he stops at nothing to see it through.<br />
<br />
Trying to deal with this quality when Pete applies it to a vision he has for the family is like trying to contain a tsunami in a paper cup. It has tested me.<br />
<br />
And so, I feel like we are transitioning as a family to a new place and I am transitioning to a new place in myself.<br />
<br />
A place where I learn to know myself better at this stage of life in my parenting, in my marriage, in my work. And it's scary. And exciting. Filled with challenges and opportunities.<br />
<br />
It's time to grow. And sometimes that takes changing places.<br />
<br />
Life is full of new beginnings. It's up to us to embrace them.<br />
<br />
It doesn't erase what has gone before, it adds to it.<br />
<br />
To quote Helen Keller, "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing".<br />
<br />
And so off we go on a daring adventure. I'll be taking you all along with me :)<br />
<br />
<i><a href="https://parkweb.vic.gov.au/visit/natural-wonders/agnes-falls-the-perfect-family-outing!" target="_blank">picture: Agnes Falls, South Gippsland.</a></i><br />
<br />Nikki Fisherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07061038678819861999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6627109429370960702.post-12521544519359387912018-10-23T10:19:00.001+11:002018-10-23T10:29:29.702+11:00Money Matters<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Whether we like it or not money DOES matter.<br />
<br />
How we earn it, how we spend it, how we save it.<br />
<br />
There's no doubt our early role models influence our adult relationship with dollars and cents.<br />
<br />
In my case, those role models weren't ideal!!<br />
<br />
My parents idea of investing was going to the casino or betting on the horses.<br />
<br />
My mum worked hard for her money but didn't manage it well.<br />
<br />
Her underlying emotions of not feeling taken care of, anger and resentment towards my dad (he skipped town when I was four, that's a whole other story), and general overwhelm about life meant she spent money to make herself feel better. Only it never really worked because she wasn't dealing with the core issues of her inner emotional life.<br />
<br />
If I'm brutally honest I've been repeating some of my mum's patterns (for different reasons) - minus the gambling.<br />
<br />
Not that I'm blaming my parents, I'm a grown up now and make my own choices but where we come from influences the choices we make if we don't stop to reflect and make different, better choices.<br />
<br />
I think honest money talk amongst friends is still widely taboo, it is another one of those life areas where many people want to give the impression they have it all sorted when really they don't.<br />
<br />
I've been working on increasing my income because I have a tendency to stay in low paying jobs despite having skills that I could use in more profitable ways. That's not pretty to admit. And I'm the only one who can change it.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
Relationship to work and money is both complex and simple, a bit like relationship to food or alcohol or exercise; intellectually we know the benefits of earning a decent income, saving, investing, budgeting, eating well, exercising and so on but what stops us from doing what we know is good for us?<br />
<br />
Author of <i><a href="https://juliacameronlive.com/" target="_blank">The Artist's Way,</a></i> Julia Cameron calls money, sex, food, alcohol, drugs 'the deadlies' because for many they can have a huge emotional charge attached to them and when misused can indeed be deadly.<br />
<br />
American author and money mentor <a href="https://www.barbara-huson.com/" target="_blank">Barbara Huson</a> has written a number of books on the topic of women and wealth, Barbara says we need to do "the inner work as well as the outer work" - that is, it isn't as simple as writing a budget and sticking to it. We need to look at why we play small, why we self-sabotage, what are the deep emotions driving our behaviours. And her other main point is <a href="https://www.barbara-huson.com/its-not-about-money-2/" target="_blank">"the issue is never about money it is about power"</a> it is about women stepping into their power in every sense not just financially.<br />
<br />
Barbara writes about the different ways that men and women view money and power and that there is a way to think about power from a feminine perspective, she is not talking about women pursuing a traditional masculine sense of power.<br />
<br />
While I deeply believe that our physical and mental health and well-being is our greatest asset in this lifetime, I also know that financial wealth brings a level of ease to life and provides choices that influence our physical and mental health.<br />
<br />
I think it is such an important topic - our relationship to work and money - because at the extreme there are women and children living in poverty or living with domestic violence in its various forms because the women are not in their power - be that financial and emotional power.<br />
<br />
I would love to see this change of course, and change starts with talking about it.<br />
<br />
Something else to consider is the link between money, time and energy. I notice that when I am feeling depleted in one area I am feeling depleted in other areas too. If I pay attention to how I am valuing - or not valuing - my time and energy, it relates to my money as well.<br />
<br />
Identifying 'leaks' in our money, time and energy can go a long way to increasing our emotional and financial power.<br />
<br />
More power to us ladies!<br />
<br />
I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences on this topic.<br />
<br />
Leave a comment or send me an email nikkifisher@iprimus.com.auNikki Fisherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07061038678819861999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6627109429370960702.post-3314379890040562442018-10-17T13:17:00.000+11:002018-10-17T13:17:01.114+11:00On Being Vulnerable<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Being vulnerable is not something I really excel at.<br />
<br />
By vulnerable I mean having a go at something new and risking embarrassing myself or sharing raw emotions that show I'm finding something hard (I'm super good though with other people's raw emotions just not sharing my own about me!), I do this to avoid being embarrassed and because I want the world - the people who love me - to think I am capable, confident and have it all together - ALL OF THE TIME.<br />
<br />
Which is of course completely ridiculous because I'm human, and I don't have it all together all of the time that is just plain unrealistic.<br />
<br />
To get all psycho-analytical this comes from my childhood where my dad skipped town - literally - and my mum was left with me age 4 and my baby brother and so I took it upon myself to balance the scale and become a mini adult and basically do my best to be self-reliant and have no needs or wants. Ridiculous. And clever. Because that's how I survived.<br />
<br />
At age 44 I don't need to do that anymore but a lot of the time I still do - negate my needs, push down, push through, shape shift, adapt. Be adaptable is a good quality, just not if it is so constant that it is at the expense of ourselves.<br />
<br />
ASKING for help or for anything really has been excruciating for me and I generally don't even realise I need help or that it is an option to ask until it is too late ie. I'm a crying overwhelmed mess.<br />
<br />
Anyway the emotional stockpile has been building in me lately and I've been giving vulnerability a go, revealing some raw emotion that I would usually hold and taking stock of what is working and what I really need to leave behind.<br />
<br />
Even writing this post is an act of being vulnerable. (To all those family and friends reading wondering if I'm ok, yes I am :) I'm just writing from the place of 'start where you are')<br />
<br />
I'm here to tell you crying a lot, expressing true emotion and feeling, finding my voice and speaking what's true for me is exhausting but so too is holding it all together all of the time.<br />
<br />
I was talking with my sister-in-law this morning, being completely open and vulnerable, she's a mum of 4 that she gave birth to (who are young adults now) plus a number of step children over the years, and we were talking about how when children are little it is easy for women to lose themselves in their mothering, to lose that sense of self and that it is only as the children get older we are able to even realise that it's lost and begin looking to reclaim ourselves again.<br />
<br />
Where to start?<br />
<br />
It is like having all the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle scrambled inside and working out how to put them together again to create a beautiful picture.<br />
<br />
In some ways that's where I feel I'm at. Again.<br />
<br />
I say again because it is an on-going process this one of self-discovery, growth and renewal.<br />
<br />
And I couldn't think of a more perfect picture to share of vulnerability, growth, renewal, innocence, strength and trust than this one of me pregnant with Sol and dear sweet River's little face resting on my pregnant belly waiting to meet his baby brother.<br />
<br />
It was taken by a photography student that was working with Pete, she stayed at our house for a couple of days and I agreed to doing some portraits. Such a special time. And on the other side of the fear and excitement and vulnerability of being pregnant and giving birth was the gift of Sol.<br />
<br />
Much love everyone xx<br />
<br />
p.s. to anyone feeling vulnerable or scared to be vulnerable don't worry it's all going to be ok.<br />
It always is one way or another.<br />
<br />
<br />Nikki Fisherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07061038678819861999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6627109429370960702.post-42917954698314036042018-10-09T06:17:00.000+11:002018-10-09T06:17:00.983+11:00Are You a Time Debtor?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
<br />
<br />
A time what?<br />
<br />
I stumbled across this concept of being a time debtor probably when I was procrastinating down the rabbit hole of social media but in this instance I'm so glad I did.<br />
<br />
I've been a time debtor but I never knew until it was pointed out to me.<br />
<br />
American author, book coach and podcaster Linda Sivertsen <a href="https://bookmama.com/inspiration-and-motivation/ted-talk-time-debt/" target="_blank">(aka Book Mama) </a>is the one who introduced me to this concept of being a time debtor.<br />
<br />
So what is time debt?<br />
<br />
<h2>
<span style="font-weight: normal;">As defined by Linda <a href="http://timedebt.com/" target="_blank">here </a>- Time Debt is:</span></h2>
<h2>
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><i>"The misspending of time - either consciously or unconsciously - in ways that ultimately lead to a life half lived".</i></span></h2>
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<span style="font-weight: normal;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div>
Similar to being in financial debt, spending our time in unconscious ways does not serve us.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
The gap between what I dream of achieving and what I actually do has been W I D E.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
To close that gap I have taken stock of my time.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
How do women fall into this time warp?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
There are lots of reasons. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
My reasons include: </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
- being a giver </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
- not wanting to rock the boat</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
- not easily stating my needs and wants<br />
<br />
- not prioritising things I want to do over and above all the things I feel I HAVE to do<br />
<br />
And I've worked out what's behind that behaviour. And it's deep.<br />
<br />
It's not simply a matter of "I've run out of time today".<br />
<br />
We all have the same amount of minutes in a day.<br />
<br />
I've worked out that living in a place that comes from feeling like I'm always trying to catch up and that there's never enough time comes from these (somewhat embarrassing to admit) deep seated places:</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
- by not committing and claiming time I can stay small and safe ie. if I'm always running out of time to pursue or complete my creative projects then no one can judge or criticise me for what I've created. But it also means no one can enjoy or celebrate what I've created either. (this one comes back to self-belief / self doubt)</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
- I dread having to say "No" to other people's requests on my time (I am much better at this than when I was younger)</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
- if I say yes then I don't have to brush up to my emotions and the emotions of my family and friends when I say "No" (which comes from my deeply ingrained pattern of 'avoid confrontation at all costs')<br />
<br />
Hard truths right there.<br />
<br />
I bet you'd never thought of all those emotions in relation to how you're spending your precious time?<br />
<br />
Neither had I!<br />
<br />
You can watch Linda's Ted Talk about Time Debt and what to do about it <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYYv2GRotZQ" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
<br />
It's 12 minutes of your life worth spending on YouTube :)</div>
<br />
So, what have I done about my time debting? Well it is a work in progress but a couple of easy things I've done is looked at my life and set some priorities.<br />
<br />
It doesn't mean I don't want to still be a deeply giving and loving person, I do! Caring for others is what fills me up and makes me happy, but I've realised I can't do this at the expense of my own dreams, desires, health and happiness.<br />
<br />
It's a similar theme to <a href="http://nikkifisher.blogspot.com/2018/10/44.html" target="_blank">last week's post</a> about filling our cup first before giving to everyone else.<br />
<br />
The other major change I've made is, when I can I go to bed at 9.30pm or 10pm at the latest and then get up at 5.30am.<br />
<br />
Having one and a half to two clear hours to myself in the morning before anyone else is awake in my house is a gift I'm giving myself.<br />
<br />
It means I can meditate, journal, write, get some computer work done, exercise - whatever I need or want to do without question or interruption.<br />
<br />
It means I start the day ahead, giving to myself first.<br />
<br />
It's not possible for me to do this every day because I can't always get to bed that early but when I can I do.<br />
<br />
I hope this concept of time debt makes some sense to you too and is helpful in making some much needed change.Nikki Fisherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07061038678819861999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6627109429370960702.post-30075431913420115632018-10-02T07:55:00.000+10:002018-10-02T07:55:13.756+10:0044<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdA0Z56bi-bG8BmbAKVe1WaMLk4ES4FJHDXZOEBxOT4xSRg3aPiF7rGwYQV25Hb2NyR4gzcyrzEwHJcCRB4u78p6BzJtiOvdokNJy-kWfFmUWd_R8tT4ZppHW5chSHftXNG7aEYjF4AHE0/s1600/wholefood_mama_nikki_fisher.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdA0Z56bi-bG8BmbAKVe1WaMLk4ES4FJHDXZOEBxOT4xSRg3aPiF7rGwYQV25Hb2NyR4gzcyrzEwHJcCRB4u78p6BzJtiOvdokNJy-kWfFmUWd_R8tT4ZppHW5chSHftXNG7aEYjF4AHE0/s640/wholefood_mama_nikki_fisher.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
Getting older is a gift.<br />
<br />
Some people don't like to talk about their age, or complain about getting wrinkles or grey hair but I see it differently.<br />
<br />
Last month I turned 44.<br />
<br />
Turning 44 had a significance to it for me because it is the age that my Mum died suddenly of a heart attack.<br />
<br />
I posted the photo above on Instagram with these words:<br />
<br />
<h2>
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><i><span style="color: #999999;">"I'm 44 today on top of the world here at Cape Byron Lighthouse with Sol and River and I'm using my 44th birthday as a bit of a 'community service announcement'. </span></i></span></h2>
<h2>
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><i><span style="color: #999999;">44 was the age that my dear mum had a sudden heart attack and died. </span></i></span></h2>
<h2>
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><i><span style="color: #999999;">Yes that completely sucked and now that I am that age and have some dear friends confronting their mortality much earlier than I would like them to be, my message is to look after your health as it really is your most precious asset (go and get the checks you've been putting off!), don't sweat the small stuff and love your family and friends with a big heart. </span></i></span></h2>
<h2>
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><i><span style="color: #999999;">And now for the rest of the celebrating. Lighthouse walk, early swim, good coffee, birthday cake!"</span></i></span></h2>
<div>
<span style="font-weight: normal;"><i><span style="color: #999999;"><br /></span></i></span></div>
<div>
The day after my birthday I was sitting in a cafe in Mullumbimby enjoying the morning sun and coffee while Sol and River were around the corner browsing in the bookshop.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
My look-after-your-health-and-you'll-be-ok bubble burst that morning when I received news that a perfectly fit and health conscious friend had suffered cardiac arrest. What?? No! This can't be true.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Sol and River came back to find me in tears, I was crying that my friend and his family were in this situation with him fighting for his life in intensive care and crying at the shock and unpredictability of life. That there really are no guarantees and assurances.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Not many people want to spend too much time thinking about mortality and the fragility of life but I think it is important to talk about it and think about it, it can shape the life you live and give perspective to what matters.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Maybe you'll choose to quit that job you hate or stop hanging out with people who drain you, change your diet so you feel more energised, cut back or quit boozing, the list goes on but I encourage you to take some time to reflect on what's working or not working in your life and seek to appreciate it more.<br />
<br />
Folding the washing can wait, there are memories to be made.<br />
<br />
Practice self-love and kindness everyday.<br />
<br />
Nourish and nurture: yourself first.<br />
<br />
Hypnotist and neuro-linguist practitioner Jim Fortin says, "Putting the oxygen mask on EVERYONE ELSE FIRST is a BROKEN STRATEGY. It does not work."<br />
<br />
This was a big lesson I learned from my mum who soldiered on despite her inner turmoil, perhaps not knowing how to ask for help or who or never wanting to appear like she didn't have it all together. When, inside that was the truth.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
If you want to read about the difference between a heart attack and cardiac arrest you can do that <a href="http://www.heart.org/en/health-topics/heart-attack/about-heart-attacks/heart-attack-or-sudden-cardiac-arrest-how-are-they-different" target="_blank">here.</a></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
And from a really practical point of view if you don't have a will or life insurance, make a will and look into life insurance. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Sorry to be all a bit morbid and preachy but I feel so strongly about all this stuff having been up close to it.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Life and growing old are gifts to treasure, don't waste the days away. Forgive yourself, forgive others and live life large.<br />
Whatever that means to you xo</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Nikki Fisherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07061038678819861999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6627109429370960702.post-734581749874506272018-09-11T06:00:00.000+10:002018-09-11T06:00:06.584+10:00Book Review: The Happiness Project<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzsSBRPvYLufHwVCUYdIeBW64U9Ac_WXkLBjxBiD1YYu5kFFsOwPPPbZEcjrItqargqzl-PaA8Oxf36mqyBtqRShlBOkSW6Dqy3deVrkngZUMfxLcGdgIelljhuizJ2qvt5xNZZybxpScr/s1600/the-happiness-project.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="300" data-original-width="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzsSBRPvYLufHwVCUYdIeBW64U9Ac_WXkLBjxBiD1YYu5kFFsOwPPPbZEcjrItqargqzl-PaA8Oxf36mqyBtqRShlBOkSW6Dqy3deVrkngZUMfxLcGdgIelljhuizJ2qvt5xNZZybxpScr/s1600/the-happiness-project.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">Ever felt like you were in danger of wasting your life? Or maybe you just feel like life's ok but something's missing? </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Then maybe</span><span style="font-size: large;"> this is the book for you...</span><br />
<br />
A couple of years ago when I was leaving Darwin for Bali a friend handed me <a href="https://gretchenrubin.com/books/the-happiness-project/about-the-book/" target="_blank">'The Happiness Project' by Gretchen Rubin. </a>"It's a good holiday read," she said.<br />
<br />
First published in 2009 I was late to reading this New York Times best-seller, I'd heard of it but there was something about it that made it sound...sorry Gretchen...a little...cheesey.<br />
<br />
On the other hand, this book was a perfect holiday read for me because it is a mix of two of my favorite genres - memoir and personal growth/self-help.<br />
<br />
In case you missed this read at the height of its popularity it is written by New Yorker Gretchen Rubin, a mum of two young daughters, happily married and fulfilled in her career as a writer.<br />
<br />
So why undertake a happiness project? Gretchen had a realisation on the bus one ordinary weekday morning that perhaps she was in danger of wasting her life.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>"As I stared out the rain splattered window of a city bus I saw the years slipping by 'what do I want from life anyway?' I asked myself, 'Well I want to be happy. But I had never thought about what made me happy or how I might be happier'".</i></span><br />
<br />
And so Gretchen set about focusing on happiness, studying it, questioning it, and ultimately living her version of a happiness project - everyone's will be different Gretchen tells us - and then writing a book and a blog about it that has become wildly popular.<br />
<br />
The book is divided into 12 chapters one for each month covering a specific topic - marriage, parenting, exercise and so on, with each month having a set of tasks to complete.<br />
<br />
I found the book fascinating and irritating at the same time (sorry Gretchen about the irritating comment I will explain!)<br />
<br />
I was compelled to read it cover to cover and to take notes but there were aspects that I couldn't relate to and in some ways the whole concept felt like a forced or clinical way to approach life and being happy.<br />
<br />
I'm a Virgo and we Virgos love to order things but the idea of a checklist or spreadsheet to check off happiness milestones? That was the irritating part, but hey what would I know? Over 3.5 million copies have been sold!<br />
<br />
I admire Gretchen for taking the time to write her project down. Her voice is clear and she's honest about the set back and detours on her own happiness project.<br />
<br />
For me Gretchen's book isn't so much about purely about happiness, I think happiness is fleeting it comes and goes like all emotions, the book brings into stark reality that days can slip away without us ever really doing things that we say we want to do.<br />
<br />
This quote from the book says it all -<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
"The days are long, the years are short".<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
So make the most of them. And designing a happiness project of your own might just be the way to do it.</div>
</div>
Nikki Fisherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07061038678819861999noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6627109429370960702.post-35270544857570164852018-08-28T14:15:00.001+10:002018-08-28T14:15:36.230+10:00Remember To Breathe<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMyNl1dUuwigb_PxsYuCouoRE4erjsQbcGoHT1C5DVn0hWsOB0WcGvBaiLVLJH7rz6UCnkauP9l7Ltw3-UpfobeUodjDSGb3FryohWUgCPyk-3Te6AyqJt4fKrsKrcxO4SXaVhP3x_eadf/s1600/valeriia-bugaiova-702284-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMyNl1dUuwigb_PxsYuCouoRE4erjsQbcGoHT1C5DVn0hWsOB0WcGvBaiLVLJH7rz6UCnkauP9l7Ltw3-UpfobeUodjDSGb3FryohWUgCPyk-3Te6AyqJt4fKrsKrcxO4SXaVhP3x_eadf/s640/valeriia-bugaiova-702284-unsplash.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It may sound completely obvious - ‘remember to breathe’ -
but the fast pace of modern living means that often the first thing to suffer
is the depth and quality of our breathing. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And so much depends on it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Breathe deeply right now and notice how you feel.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A common experience of day-to-day living for many women I
know is one of overwhelm, anxiety, difficulty focusing, concentrating, being
forgetful, difficulty being efficient and productive, racing from one task,
activity and demand to the next.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Any wonder we’re shallow breathing!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, how do we change this? To change anything in our lives,
the first step is bringing awareness to what we’re doing.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Try it now, bring your awareness to your breath, sit up
straight, relax your shoulders, put your hands gently on your belly and breathe
deeply.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How good does that feel?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Benefits of Deep Breathing<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The benefits of breathing deeply make for a long list and
improve your physical, mental AND emotional health.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
Practising deep breathing has been known to:<br />
<br />
- improve digestion<br />
- quality of sleep<br />
- relieve anxiety<br />
- increase mental clarity<br />
- reduce symptoms of chronic pain<br />
<br />
You can read in more detail <a href="https://www.livestrong.com/article/92264-benefits-deep-breathing/" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/relaxation-techniques-breath-control-helps-quell-errant-stress-response" target="_blank">here</a>.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14pt;">Make Deep Breathing A
Daily Habit</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span>
One of the best ways to start and end the day is by taking a few deep breaths.<br />
<br />
An easy and effective breathing exercise I learnt years ago is to gently close your eyes sitting in a relaxed position and take 24 focused breaths, one for each hour of the day.<br />
<br />
Some people like to set a timer on their phone to remind them to drink a glass of water, you can do that with deep breathing too.<br />
<br />
Anytime throughout the day if you are feeling stressed, low on patience or tired taking some deep breaths really does work!<br />
<br />
Try it for yourself and let me know how you feel.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Nikki Fisherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07061038678819861999noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6627109429370960702.post-70483305574558863162018-08-21T08:07:00.001+10:002018-08-21T08:07:21.595+10:00Just A Few Drinks<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd7WNObcX8JXxd_7q8q6jtXAKdRj_loOyuf6qJ5cHt5dQKhyphenhyphenRfqmzr_yi7_cfHax2nHhjRYPhE4XIswdPOGxI1APIpHyxEQX9cnfMRZ25-tSf10oVngt77D-Erc1AWDlag7nrmIugGcWvt/s1600/yuvraj-singh-414054-unsplash.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1068" data-original-width="1600" height="425" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjd7WNObcX8JXxd_7q8q6jtXAKdRj_loOyuf6qJ5cHt5dQKhyphenhyphenRfqmzr_yi7_cfHax2nHhjRYPhE4XIswdPOGxI1APIpHyxEQX9cnfMRZ25-tSf10oVngt77D-Erc1AWDlag7nrmIugGcWvt/s640/yuvraj-singh-414054-unsplash.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<a href="https://www.smh.com.au/national/hi-sobriety-our-changing-relationship-with-alcohol-20180813-p4zx5r.html" target="_blank">'Hi, Sobriety: Our Changing Relationship with Alcohol' </a>was the title of a feature article in the <i>Good Weekend </i>liftout in <i>The Age</i> newspaper here on the weekend.<br />
<br />
The article included personal stories of "grey-area drinkers", people who aren't fully fledged alcoholics rather they're drinkers who don't like their relationship with booze and what it's doing to their body, mind and lives.<br />
<br />
I've never been a heavy drinker but genetically speaking I probably should be.<br />
<br />
I grew up in a family who like a wine or beer or 10, so drinking daily and drinking heavily on the weekend was a normal way to live.<br />
<br />
I've worked in the hospitality industry on and off for over twenty years and woven into that a decade in food media. There's plenty to drink in those worlds and the lines between healthy and problematic drinking are very blurry.<br />
<br />
It was great to see the article in <i>The Age</i> raising the profile of this all too common problem, a problem that I think is the elephant in Australia's living room.<br />
<br />
The expectation to drink in Australia feels so embedded that to not drink is viewed by some as downright unAustralian. According to the article that tide of expectation is turning and sobriety is becoming the new black but in my immediate world there is still plenty of evidence of booze causing problems in people's lives.<br />
<br />
I'm in my mid forties, with a number of women friends for whom wine has become something they wish they could moderate or give up but on which they rely to 'de-stress' only to find it ends in a hangover, anxiety and sometimes a drunken argument thrown in.<br />
<br />
And what scares me is I know first hand from witnessing friends and family battle the harder realities of problem drinking - the accidents, the rock-bottom, rehab, recovery and sadly people dying - that these things can and do happen all too easily.<br />
<br />
If you're concerned - even in the slightest - about your relationship with alcohol don't ignore that quiet niggling feeling or that loud voice that yells inside your head and heart.<br />
<br />
Listen to your thoughts and feelings, write them down, talk to a friend, talk to a counsellor,<br />
your GP, or check out online resources such as <a href="https://www.hellosundaymorning.org/" target="_blank">Hello Sunday Morning</a> that features a tailored program to support people to change their relationship with alcohol.<br />
<br />
And if you're watching someone you love battle with booze, it's a big step to talk to them about it but for some it can be a turning point. For others your words of concern will fall on deaf ears and that's hard but if you don't try you'll never know and you don't want to be left wishing you'd said something. Believe me.<br />
<br />
If you are going to say something, choose your moment well. Choose a time free of interruption and a time when your loved one is sober. Also choose your words well. This conversation is not about shaming or blaming, the person you love will be doing a very good job internally of that. The words can go along the lines of this, "I've been wanting to talk to you about something, it might be a hard thing to talk about but I'm concerned about you and just want to check in and see if you're ok. I'm concerned about the amount you're drinking, how are you feeling about it?"<br />
<br />
The aim of the conversation is to show you care and to provide an opportunity for an open, honest discussion. Your friend or family may not be at all ready or interested in having the conversation and there are risks involved - your friend or family member may become angry and not want to talk to you for a while - but talking is the place to start moving us towards an Australia where drinking isn't expected, where we rethink our collective attitude to alcohol. And where people are actually happier and healthier for it.<br />
<br />
<i>*disclaimer I'm not an expert in counselling and every situation will be different if you are concerned about your own drinking habits or that of a loved one seek professional advice, if you have a good local doctor they can be a good starting point. And if they're not, don't give up, keep trying until you find someone you like who is helpful.</i><br />
<br />Nikki Fisherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07061038678819861999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6627109429370960702.post-86473496126303208062018-08-16T10:22:00.000+10:002018-08-16T10:22:08.096+10:00Start Where You Are<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfczDQ_WTorljxdUvtQ_5vTrA-WPhZrW77Kdb07rLqHQ1MkXYGaAa8DVMNMdJvGKXfhtCAcfYjCoSPTj5bIskR6g4DMaY8Z_QZW-NWGwmuj6JaQMGou3WF87UgdmgnsynwtjNtN9ebV-FW/s1600/wholefood_mama_baby_emus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="660" data-original-width="1000" height="422" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfczDQ_WTorljxdUvtQ_5vTrA-WPhZrW77Kdb07rLqHQ1MkXYGaAa8DVMNMdJvGKXfhtCAcfYjCoSPTj5bIskR6g4DMaY8Z_QZW-NWGwmuj6JaQMGou3WF87UgdmgnsynwtjNtN9ebV-FW/s640/wholefood_mama_baby_emus.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
photo credit: <a href="http://instagram.com/riverandsol" target="_blank">Peter McConchie</a><br />
<br />
And just like that I'm back.<br />
<br />
I've had a great break from blogging but the truth is I've missed it.<br />
<br />
I've missed the rhythm and flow of writing too. I call myself a writer but I haven't really been writing!<br />
<br />
I'm hoping to get into a steady rhythm of writing and posting here.<br />
<br />
I still haven't written that book - finished that book. But I'm not being hard on myself I've had a lot of other things going on and I just haven't prioritised finishing the book.<br />
<br />
And of course I've had a new idea for a different book. That's how the brain and creativity works isn't it? It is a constant process of managing our distractions, prioritising and then working to stay focused.<br />
<br />
In other news we've been pondering a bit of a treechange / seachange. We already live by the sea but we're considering making a move to a quieter part of Victoria.<br />
<br />
The Mornington Peninsula where we live now has become a popular place for people tired of city living to relocate to, which is what we did thirteen years ago. I still love lots about the Peninsula but the Waratah Bay / Fish Creek /Foster area near Wilson's Promontory has captured our hearts and has us intrigued as to what country life is like.<br />
<br />
River will start high school next year and Sol will be going into grade 4. So, the plan is to start the school year in the new location which feels risky and inspiring all at once.<br />
<br />
Sol and River are happy here, it is more Pete who has the itchy feet and would like to raise the boys in a place that facilitates a closer connection with nature.<br />
<br />
Have you ever made a big move? How did it go? If you already live in the country, what's your experience of country life?<br />
<br />
<br />Nikki Fisherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07061038678819861999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6627109429370960702.post-56977818547910524322016-10-11T23:04:00.000+11:002016-10-11T23:04:03.751+11:00why I'm taking an official blogging break<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Hello there it's been a while and in that while I've made a decision...to take an extended break from blogging.<br />
<br />
On our recent travels I realised I was doing too much and it didn't feel good.<br />
<br />
In fact it felt stressful. I felt anxious and like I was never really 'on top' of anything.<br />
<br />
Something had to give and I decided the blog was one of those things.<br />
<br />
I thought about my current priorities and decided that instead of blogging, I want to:<br />
<br />
- write a book. Perhaps even bookS.<br />
<br />
And...<br />
<br />
- focus on building my husband's online gallery <a href="http://www.riverandsol.com.au/" target="_blank">River&Sol</a> as a solid business because I've always wanted to focus on building a successful business and the reality is without focus things just don't work as well as they could, simple as that.<br />
<br />
Not focusing, scattering oneself across many things is a form of self-sabotage in a way.<br />
<br />
So, I'm focusing and it is such a relief.<br />
<br />
I love my blog.<br />
<br />
I have loved blogging.<br />
<br />
I will miss blogging.<br />
<br />
I won't miss the guilt and worry that came with not posting for a while.<br />
<br />
There are many great wholefood mamas to follow for wholefood inspiration, many more beyond this list but here are some of the friends (and their blogs) I've been lucky to make over the blogging years who will keep you on track and well fed:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://naturalnewagemum.com/" target="_blank">Natural New Age Mum</a><br />
<a href="http://lisacorduff.com/" target="_blank">Lisa Corduff</a><br />
<a href="http://brendajanschek.com/" target="_blank">Brenda Janscheck</a><br />
<a href="http://mamacino.com/" target="_blank">Mamacino</a><br />
<a href="http://wellnourished.com.au/" target="_blank">Well Nourished</a><br />
<a href="http://www.happytummies.com.au/" target="_blank">Happy Tummies</a><br />
<a href="http://www.cutoutthecrap.com.au/" target="_blank">Cut out the Crap</a><br />
<a href="http://www.barefootkitchens.com.au/" target="_blank">Barefoot Kitchens</a><br />
<a href="https://www.lowtoxlife.com/" target="_blank">Alexx Stuart</a><br />
<a href="http://www.quirkycooking.com.au/" target="_blank">Jo Whitton</a><br />
<a href="http://www.thenourishedpsychologist.com/" target="_blank">The Nourished Psychologist</a><br />
<a href="http://additivefreebites.blogspot.com.au/" target="_blank">Additive Free Bites</a><br />
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Thankyou for being a reader here.<br />
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Continue to join me on Instagram @wholefoodmama or @riverandsol.<br />
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We'll meet again some day, perhaps here, hopefully through the pages of a book!<br />
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Until then, remember that good health is golden so treasure it and count all your blessings. Twice.<br />
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With love, Nikki aka The Wholefood Mama<br />
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(photo credit: <a href="http://www.riverandsol.com.au/" target="_blank">Peter McConchie</a>)Nikki Fisherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07061038678819861999noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6627109429370960702.post-19307086765037006912016-08-24T20:49:00.000+10:002016-08-24T20:49:24.277+10:00warning: having children can ruin your relationship<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjNnaEmbb5nF-c3Jt5r4xOFdkVN9XEMlqVccwmkBMoc4ER2oGekizwJcapy4JqvHWIXwY4nEDCZrQG6c-XZ-12cxv-U0A7F6ouY8hoKKEuNkioLQuHnH0QRzKBI0ncw7qtxrBvfH58OJhn/s1600/passion.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjNnaEmbb5nF-c3Jt5r4xOFdkVN9XEMlqVccwmkBMoc4ER2oGekizwJcapy4JqvHWIXwY4nEDCZrQG6c-XZ-12cxv-U0A7F6ouY8hoKKEuNkioLQuHnH0QRzKBI0ncw7qtxrBvfH58OJhn/s1600/passion.jpg" /></a></div>
This is the stuff no one tells you when you have children and not many people talk about until it's too late.<br />
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So today I thought I'd talk about it. Get things out in the open.<br />
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I hope you'll join the discussion.<br />
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Now that I am through the other side of babies and toddlers of endless sleepless nights, of clothes splattered with baby vomit and mashed pumpkin, of wondering if my husband and I would ever have a moment together where there wasn't a baby or child between us, I feel qualified to speak.<br />
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My eyes are wide open to the friends around me who are going through the early season of parenting, who are just starting out on family life trying to find their way with it all and well, feeling like they're failing.<br />
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Well here's the newsflash: living with babies and little people is HARD!!<br />
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No matter how cute they are, no matter how much your heart feels like it is actually going to break with love every time you look at them, early parenthood stretches our emotions and priorities to the extreme.<br />
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I'm writing about this because it is an all too common story of couples splitting up when their children are in this newborn/toddler stage and when I hear about it I can't help but think "if only you'd hung in there!"<br />
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Of course this is a massive generalisation that if they'd hung in there longer everything would be ok, perhaps it wouldn't, perhaps they were only hanging in there by a thread before baby arrived but if anything is going to test the strength of that thread a baby will!<br />
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For what it's worth, here are my tips for having children and keeping your relationship alive and well.<br />
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<b style="background-color: magenta;">1. Surrender to and accept the fact that having children changes who you are and your life forever.</b><br />
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Soak that in for a minute.<br />
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Its a big one.<br />
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So many people keep thinking that their life will 'go back to normal' once the baby sleeps through the night, once the baby is eating solids, once the baby is walking.<br />
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<i>This </i>is the new normal, there's no going back, time will never be your own again (except maybe once they move out of home). And none of that's a bad thing. Your attitude is so important.<br />
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<span style="background-color: magenta;"><b>2. Speak up early.</b></span><br />
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As soon as you start to feel like you need a break/a nap/a footrub/more support, speak up. And if you aren't heard or understood by your partner ask a friend or family member.<br />
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<span style="background-color: magenta;"><b>3. Stay ahead of resentment</b></span><br />
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See tip number 2. If you don't speak up early a couple of things will happen. I call it the volcano effect, the resentment builds and builds until the inevitable explosion. Just as much as you are adjusting to the demands of parenting, so is your partner, don't turn it into a competition of who is doing more, whose job is harder. Work together.<br />
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<span style="background-color: magenta;"><b>4. Get some sleep</b></span><br />
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Beg, borrow or steal some sleep. Everything is harder and more emotional when you are sleep deprived. I was never one for day sleeping when my babes were little (probably to my detriment) so I used to force myself to make a cup of tea and actually put my feet up while I drank it. Even this small rest helped. A 10 minute nap while your baby sleeps, and going to bed early can mean the difference between sanity and tears - yours not the baby's!<br />
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<span style="background-color: magenta;"><b>5. Have some time out</b></span><br />
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This can feel so hard for some new mums, especially first time mums. "I'm ok, I can keep going" I used to think. "I love my baby I don't want to leave it with anyone else!" I used to think. But if you can, you will feel better for it. Even a walk around the block or a long shower or bath. In<a href="http://www.booktopia.com.au/baby-love-robin-barker/prod9781742613307.html" target="_blank"> Robin Barker's</a> fantastic book Baby Love she makes the point that if we are always around our partner doesn't get the opportunity to be with the baby and learn for themselves how to do things without feeling like they are being watched, leave baby with your partner or another family member or friend and have some time out.<br />
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<span style="background-color: magenta;"><b>6. Seek older wiser counsel</b></span><br />
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Once upon a time we lived in the village with grandmothers and aunties who were ahead of us on the path, who could fill us with wise counsel. Unfortunately the village isn't on our doorstep but it is there if you look for it. It might be your maternal and child health nurse, it might be your mum, or your neighbor. I'm blessed with a fairy godmother, aunties, grandmother, mother-in-law and sister-in-law I can call on if not always for babysitting at least for a chat when things get hard or confusing. Talking always puts things back in perspective.<br />
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<span style="background-color: magenta;"><b>7. If you're looking for your libido</b></span><br />
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The degree of this varies for everyone but ranks high on the list for causing tension post baby. You're exhausted, you're breastfeeding, your body is recovering from giving birth in every possible way, the only intimacy you want is with your pillow. Like so many aspects of motherhood as a society we can have really unrealistic expectations and ideas about 'what is normal' about when is too soon or not soon enough for your libido to find you again. <a href="http://naturalnewagemum.com/get-your-sexy-back-aka-natural-libido-boosters/" target="_blank">Natural New Age Mum </a>has put together a great post on this with thoughts and tips on 'what's normal' and what to do about it.<br />
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<span style="background-color: magenta;"><b>8. Never be too capable</b></span><br />
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My fairy godmother taught me this one when my first baby was born. This is a hard one especially I think for women of today who have had successful careers they somehow transfer career brain to motherhood and that's not really how it works. If you are too capable you are not allowing your partner to develop their skills and you are putting high expectations on yourself to be able to 'do it all'.<br />
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<span style="background-color: magenta;"><b>9. Make time for your relationship.</b></span><br />
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This really is the most important one. Remind yourself of why you fell in love with each other, those qualities are still there even if they're hidden under tiredness and raw emotion. Make date night a priority, it can be as simple and inexpensive as watching a movie together - make it a comedy!<br />
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Relationships are precious. They take work. They need nurturing. If you've neglected yours or you're feeling neglected, talk about it. If you find it hard to come up with the words write it down first. And do get some sleep it makes all the difference.<br />
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<b><i>Love to hear your thoughts on this one in the comments.</i></b>Nikki Fisherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07061038678819861999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6627109429370960702.post-31788755686078834312016-08-12T11:29:00.000+10:002016-08-12T11:29:27.679+10:00friday list<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFEgJpwOB51U9sGaj8nLOK6-74-JYzQcs031LvespUTuFnkQgDZmpQJM0aAxCbjzpklBrugQLRtkyO7RPLQ-x5NSrYm1GscVK-vXEJNsfaZYHzwcyhK0I0ddI9cVFRS3jnwdhIZ5mSM8LI/s1600/IMG_7969.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFEgJpwOB51U9sGaj8nLOK6-74-JYzQcs031LvespUTuFnkQgDZmpQJM0aAxCbjzpklBrugQLRtkyO7RPLQ-x5NSrYm1GscVK-vXEJNsfaZYHzwcyhK0I0ddI9cVFRS3jnwdhIZ5mSM8LI/s1600/IMG_7969.JPG" /></a></div>
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It's been a long time since I've done one of these. A list of things I love or have discovered that I think you'll like too.<br />
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If perfection or comparison is holding you back read <a href="http://www.problogger.net/why-my-blog-motto-is-done-and-not-perfect/" target="_blank">this</a><br />
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I'm re-reading <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Eat-Pray-Love-Everything-Indonesia/dp/0143038419" target="_blank">Eat, Pray, Love. </a>Have you read it? Did you love it? Hate it?<br />
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Fancy some dairy-free, gluten-free Italian food? <a href="http://mamacino.com/healthy-italian-meals-youll-love/" target="_blank">Mamacino's got that sorted.</a><br />
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If you're visiting Sorrento on the Mornington Peninsula enjoy lunch, dinner or a glass of wine at <a href="http://www.cakes-and-ale.com.au/" target="_blank">Cakes and Ale</a> - my favorite little bistro there that I also do the marketing for.<br />
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I've been asked to submit my story of being a mum without my mum here for this beautiful site <a href="http://keepingmum.co/" target="_blank">Keeping Mum,</a> if you or someone you know would like to contribute their story visit the site for details.<br />
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<a href="http://www.thewellnesscollective.com.au/blog/15-minute-miso-glazed-eggplant" target="_blank">Miso + maple glazed eggplant </a>sounds good to me!<br />
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Wanna brew your own kombucha? <a href="http://www.mynewroots.org/site/2016/07/brew-your-own-kombucha/" target="_blank">Check this out.</a><br />
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A friend and I make a pact sometimes to not talk about lunchboxes when we meet up lol. I have to confess I find the whole thinking and talking about what to put in lunchboxes so boring! Brenda has come to the rescue and put together this great list of <a href="http://brendajanschek.com/recipe/17-sweet-and-easy-school-lunchbox-recipes/" target="_blank">17 sweet and easy lunchbox recipes.</a><br />
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We all need a night off from cooking sometimes, if you live in the Elsternwick area you can call into What's 4 Dinner (250 Glen Eira Rd. Elsternwick) and pick up a home style meal you don't have to cook! <a href="http://www.whats4dinner.net.au/" target="_blank">What's 4 Dinner</a> and <a href="http://www.dodyolivercatering.com.au/" target="_blank">Dody Oliver Catering</a> are my other marketing clients. Dody is a mum of three and dynamic business woman who wants people to eat well but understands not everyone makes time to do so. Her meals are cooked from scratch using real food and nothing else. Bayside customers can order online and have meals delivered.<br />
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If you're on Instagram come follow me <a href="https://www.instagram.com/wholefoodmama/" target="_blank">@wholefoodmama </a>and if you'd like to see my husband's beautiful photography you can find it <a href="https://www.instagram.com/riverandsol/" target="_blank">@riverandsol</a><br />
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We set off on a seven hour drive tomorrow across a rough red dirt road on our way back to Darwin. It's been a big six weeks here on the Gove Peninsula. 'See' you when we get there!<br />
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Have a great weekend xoNikki Fisherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07061038678819861999noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6627109429370960702.post-35385256646988084442016-08-07T10:31:00.000+10:002016-08-07T10:31:20.630+10:00how to find peace<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGpvrzDCUraaZW8KIen3XqHxwEjroSbXuGxnnqnf_QNxzlHx_iq3EQ0XEHCJaMIAI_4o0xzLfoSAFmWtUHqCN0R9wN15StDWda1eFBj4EBlBCqBxaV7vDVZ90C0BJDrm3Lz6bNYIKT5DHQ/s1600/flowerpower.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGpvrzDCUraaZW8KIen3XqHxwEjroSbXuGxnnqnf_QNxzlHx_iq3EQ0XEHCJaMIAI_4o0xzLfoSAFmWtUHqCN0R9wN15StDWda1eFBj4EBlBCqBxaV7vDVZ90C0BJDrm3Lz6bNYIKT5DHQ/s1600/flowerpower.jpg" /></a></div>
I could have written about how to travel and eat wholefoods or how to pack a healthy lunchbox but the truth is I've been failing at that lately.<br />
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Hot chips, sausages in bread, bakery lunches and even donuts (!) have been in eaten in far too greater proportion on this leg of our trip.<br />
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I've been cooking some delicious meals in our caravan fresh fish caught by River and Pete has been a highlight, but the undesirable foods have crept in when we've been out and about.<br />
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Sausages in bread are the standard catering item for any free event celebrating things like <a href="http://www.naidoc.org.au/" target="_blank">NAIDOC week</a> or other cultural festivals.<br />
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Perhaps I'll have to write a post about getting back on the wholefood track.<br />
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For now though I'm writing about peace, namely peace within myself.<br />
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I've been doing some soul-searching on this trip as I often do when I travel, the two seem to go hand in hand for me. As I cover new outer territory I cover new inner territory.<br />
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More and more I've come to actually feel what spiritual masters talk about all the time, that peace isn't something to look for, that it is within us, there all the time.<br />
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To accompany me on my latest inward journey I've had the voice of Elizabeth Gilbert in her book <i><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Eat-Pray-Love-Everything-Indonesia/dp/0143038419" target="_blank">Eat, Pray, Love</a></i> as my guide.<br />
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I started re-reading it as a study on how to write memoir and then settled into reading the story again for the pleasure of it.<br />
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Just in case there happens to be A person out there who hasn't read it or seen the film, <i>Eat, Pray, Love </i>is about Elizabeth Gilbert's quest to find who she is and make peace with herself after her life crumbles and changes direction following a difficult divorce.<br />
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She writes...<br />
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<i>"Your treasure - your perfection - is within you already. But to claim it, you must leave the busy commotion of the mind and abandon the desires of the ego and enter into the silence of the heart." - </i>p.207<br />
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And what I've discovered is that the silence of the heart is always there.<br />
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In our darkest times and in our lightest times it is always there.<br />
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Meditation is one way to find peace and feel the silence of the heart but there are other ways too.<br />
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Meditation scares some people. "How do I know if I'm doing it right? How do I do it? How long do I have to do it for?" goes the thinking.<br />
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Shhhhh!<br />
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Quiet mind.<br />
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Quiet all the thinking.<br />
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Sit. Breathe. Close your eyes. Breathe. That's all. And when thoughts come notice them but don't attach to them. Watch them float by like clouds or simply say the word 'thinking' in your head as a way of noticing the thoughts and then letting them float away.<br />
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And even though I said peace is within us, peace is of course outside of us too.<br />
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Peace can be found in a flower, in a sunset, in a raindrop. Nature is a wonderful place to find peace and you don't have to be surrounded by a forest to feel it (although immersing yourself in nature definitely helps).<br />
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Last evening as the sun was setting I walked from the caravan to the tap to fill up our water bottles. On the way back to the van I noticed how the sky had changed.<br />
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I stood in the middle of the field looking up at the soft grey clouds and the dusky pink sky. A few little stars were starting to twinkle and a slither of a crescent moon hung low in the sky.<br />
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I found peace in the sky.<br />
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Peace might be on your kitchen table or even in your basket of washing waiting to be folded.<br />
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Peace is all around us and within us and for those who can't see and feel peace at this moment pray for them.<br />
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xo<br />
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<br />Nikki Fisherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07061038678819861999noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6627109429370960702.post-48358037408092930472016-08-06T17:25:00.000+10:002016-08-06T17:27:31.455+10:00a love story<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Today I thought I'd be romantic and tell you a love story.<br />
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Everyone loves a love story right?<br />
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It's the story of how Pete and I met.<br />
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A good ten years before we met and fell in love I admired Pete from a distance.<br />
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Not in a romantic way, I was in a long term relationship.<br />
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The first time I laid eyes on Pete was at the launch of a calendar he had photographed to save the Goolengook Rainforest.<br />
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Hearing him speak that night I was full of admiration for his free spirit, for his free thinking, for the way he stood up for things he believed in and completely in awe of <a href="http://www.riverandsol.com.au/" target="_blank">his photography.</a><br />
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I bought the calendar and after the year was over I cut the photos out of the calendar and stored them in a tea chest. I didn't know Pete and I didn't meet him that night. I saved the photos for years.<br />
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In my mid twenties the relationship I was in ended and I spent a few years living out a bit of arrested development. I was old before my time during my teens so I gave myself a second chance at the adolescent years in my late twenties, some of it wasn't pretty but oh well lucky for my kids I got that out of my system then!<br />
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I was almost twenty nine when a switch flicked in my being, that switch I'd heard about but didn't believe in until I experienced. 'Must find father of my children' played over and over in my brain.<br />
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I became clearly focused on finding the love of my life to have children with.<br />
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I remember talking to a happily married friend who had two children and asking her, "How do you know when you've met the right person?" "You just <i>know</i>" she said with reassurance and confidence in her voice. I wasn't convinced.<br />
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It was during this time that Pete reappeared in my life.<br />
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A mutual friend asked me to interview Pete for a magazine story.<br />
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We met at a cafe and Pete told me his story of travelling to Arnhem Land to record and photograph the stories of the Yolngu people in North East Arnhem Land.<br />
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At the end of the interview Pete said, "I'd like to read it before you submit it to the editor". This caught me by surprise. It wasn't standard procedure for me to do this with people I interviewed.<br />
"Ok" I said tentatively.<br />
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A week later Pete came over to my house and read the story I'd written about his life.<br />
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Let's just say there was a lot of creative toing and froing about what should stay in the story and what should be cut! This would be the first of many creative tussles between us.<br />
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Our friendship was born but it would be some months and some serious soul searching on my behalf before our relationship was swept into love and romance.<br />
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Eleven years later, two beautiful children later we are living our happily ever after in all its raw and honest glory.<br />
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We are both creative, sensitive, spirited souls which doesn't always make for smooth sailing but I wouldn't have it any other way.<br />
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Our lives together are rich and compelling.<br />
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My friend was right, you just <i>know.</i><br />
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<br />Nikki Fisherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07061038678819861999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6627109429370960702.post-25013135808173675402016-08-06T11:47:00.000+10:002016-08-06T11:47:06.014+10:00travel review: thursday plantation aloe vera gel & tea tree antiseptic cream<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I've come to realise that even though I started this blog with a wholefood focus in mind, travel has become part of it with my family and I traveling for third term each year.<br />
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We travel for <a href="http://www.cultureislife.org/" target="_blank">my husband's work</a> with Elders in remote Indigenous communities so we find ourselves in places that are hot and where mosquitoes and sandflies love to buzz around. The problem with mosquitoes is not only do their bites sting and itch but they can also pass on nasty things like Ross River virus, Dengue Fever and Barmah Forest virus. The other potential problem is that if bites are scratched until they bleed there is a risk of infection which my husband was hospitalised for once many years ago.<br />
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Our trip this year to <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arnhem_Land" target="_blank">North East Arnhem Land</a> is no exception. Our youngest son Sol must have had 60 bites at least on his bare legs during our time out bush, despite our futile attempt with homemade repellent that just didn't seem to work.<br />
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The super strength repellent available to buy includes a chemical ingredient called DEET included in various concentrations depending on the brand.<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DEET" target="_blank"> The use of DEET </a>comes with many warnings due to its strength and potential side effects that range from skin irritation, headache, burning eyes to more serious and extreme effects including seizures and death.<br />
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Needless to say we steered clear of repellents containing DEET and instead made our own repellent of tea tree oil, eucalyptus oil, dettol antiseptic and baby oil.<br />
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As dusk fell we sprayed this mix on our skin and then put on our long cotton clothing. It helped but wasn't 100% effective, I don't know if there is anything that's 100% effective. The sandflies found my ankles and we weren't quick enough covering Sol up so we had to find relief from the bites which we did in the form of Thursday Plantation Antiseptic Cream. More about that soon.<br />
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The other peril of outback travel is the blazing hot sun. Again, despite our best focused efforts to stay protected from the sun's burning rays sometimes we've been caught out and had to soothe some sunburn.<br />
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So today I'm sharing with you my favorite remedies for sunburn and mosquito and sandfly bites. What we put on our bodies is just as important as what we put in our bodies.<br />
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<b>Thursday Plantation</b><br />
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Thursday Plantation is an Australian based company that makes a range of products for hair and skin using natural ingredients including plant oils.<br />
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Their products are free from synthetic parabens, sodium lauryl sulphate (SLS), sodium lauryl ether sulphate (SLES) and no harsh detergents.<br />
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<b>Thursday Plantation Aloe Vera Gel</b><br />
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When we're traveling my favorite soothing remedy for sunburn is Thursday Plantation Aloe Vera Gel.<br />
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When we are at home we break aloe vera leaves straight from the plant in our garden and crack them open to rub the gel onto skin that's been exposed to the sun.<br />
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It's a bit difficult to travel with an actual aloe vera plant so on the road I like the Thursday Plantation Gel because it is immediately cooling and soaks nicely into your skin without being too sticky and the tube is a handy size to store in small travel spaces like a tent or caravan or in my handbag. It lasts well too as a little bit goes a long way and it is readily available in chemists and supermarkets.<br />
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Depending on where you buy it it will cost around $8 or $9 for 100g tube.<br />
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<b>Thursday Plantation Tea Tree Antiseptic Cream</b><br />
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A friend who lives in Arnhem Land put me on to this fantastic antiseptic cream to use as relief from insect bites.<br />
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I was so grateful to have this on our recent trip out bush. The cream is very light so you don't feel like your skin is being smothered and it immediately is cooling and anti-inflammatory.<br />
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The other benefit is that if like my youngest son, someone in your family scratches their bites until they bleed you can wash the bites with clean water and then dab this cream on to prevent infection.<br />
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I will be keeping this as a permanent addition to my travel kit and my first aid kit at home too.<br />
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I bought this product at the Chemist for around $8, again depending on where you buy the price varies from as low as <a href="http://www.amcal.com.au/brands/our-thursday-plantation-range/?cm_mmc=Google-_-202954478-_-16449636518-_-%2Bthursday%20%2Bplantation&mkwid=sFjuEIGUJ_dc&pcrid=90584137598&pkw=%2Bthursday%20%2Bplantation&pmt=b&plid=&product=&gclid=CKPy-7_Uq84CFc4AvAod93kHKw" target="_blank">$6.95 at this online chemist</a> to <a href="https://www.healthdelivery.com.au/thursday-plantation-tea-tree-antiseptic-cream-100g.html?gclid=CIrG3I7Vq84CFQF_vQodTYsHvg" target="_blank">$11.36 at this online retailer.</a><br />
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<i><b>If you have some tips or remedies for insect repellent or relief from bites, stings or sunburn I'd love to hear.</b></i><br />
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Happy travels!<br />
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<br />Nikki Fisherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07061038678819861999noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6627109429370960702.post-19346207457366022712016-08-04T15:54:00.000+10:002016-08-04T16:21:51.087+10:00FAQ: how do I get my children to eat veggies?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Dear Mamas and Papas whose children fuss over eating vegetables,<br />
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I feel your pain! My six year old would rather eat his own hand than munch on the rainbow of veggies on our table but here's the answer: Don't give up!<br />
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Essentially that is the sum total of the answer but I know you're looking for more than that so here goes...<br />
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<b>Take a look at your own attitude to food. </b>Do you love sweet food? Chocolate? Cake? Is eating veggies a struggle for you too? Our actions speak much louder than our words so part of the key is for your child to see you eating and enjoying vegetables - regularly.<br />
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<b>Grow your own. </b>Plant some food and involve your children. Kids love to get their hands dirty and the main part of the fun of a veggie garden is picking the result. Even if it is just herbs or strawberries in pots believe kids will love it and it will help open up their minds and tastebuds to eating the good stuff. <a href="http://www.kitchengardenfoundation.org.au/" target="_blank">Stephanie Alexander's Kitchen Garden Foundation</a> is great evidence and inspiration for this point.<br />
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<b>Involve your children in the food preparation. </b>They are much more likely to try meals they have cooked themselves. Gather a stack of cookbooks and let your children choose some recipes they'd like to cook with you - the recipes have to of course include veggies.<br />
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<b>Your best friend is the grater and your next best friend is the blender.</b> Ideally we don't want to be hiding the good stuff at every meal but the reality is to get the nutrition into some little blighters we have to grate in 10 veggies to spaghetti bolognaise and blend in the baby spinach to a monster green juice made sweet with frozen banana and coconut water.<br />
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<b>Stay cool as a cucumber. </b>For some kids and parents food becomes a power play. This is not good for anyone's digestion. One approach is the grown up decides 'when and what' will be eaten and the child decides 'how much'.<br />
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<b>Try a different texture. </b>Some kids will eat raw carrot. Some kids like it cooked. Some like it grated in a sandwich. Sometimes, it all comes down to texture. Don't do backflips trying to please your child but at different meals offer the 'offending' vegetable in a different format and see what happens.<br />
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<b>Make sure your kids have an appetite at meal times. </b>If you have a child who like to 'graze' ie. eat all day, when meal time rolls around they will have no hunger, no reason, no motivation to eat what is served. My son went to a Steiner kindergarten and the teacher there was a grandmother who encouraged us young mums to map our mealtimes out like this: breakfast, morning tea, lunch, afternoon tea and dinner.<br />
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<b><a href="https://karenlebillon.com/books/">Read French Kids Eat Everything by Karen Le Billon.</a> </b>It is a fabulous true story of a North American family that moves to Le Billon's husband's families rural village in France and transitions their young children from carb loving, cake munching kiddos to veggie loving souls. Karen tells their story with such good humour and practical advice you can't help fall in love with it and be filled with hope and inspiration that you too can do this in your own home.<br />
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<b>Keep a food diary for a week.</b> This will give you a really accurate picture of what your child is eating and whether you really need to get yourself so worked up! :)<br />
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<b>Make a 2 fruit 5 vegetable chart. </b>This can be a great way of engaging young children in eating well. Some kids are really motivated by stickers and visual charts. Design it any way you wish. Explain to your children the aim is for them to eat 2 pieces of fruit each day and 5 serves of vegetables (for children that's about 2 and a half cups) and they can stick a sticker on the chart for each serve they eat. Ideally it should be a rainbow of fruit and vegetables, lots of different colours.<br />
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<b>Don't worry. It will all be ok. </b>My mother in law says that when she was raising my husband she was convinced for the rest his life he would only eat sausages, mashed potato and peas because that was all he would eat enthusiastically as a child. Of course as an adult he eats absolutely everything. Like many things in childhood, kids go through stages and as long as parents can remain positive and light hearted about things the stage will pass.<br />
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For more info, tips and inspiration on handling fussy eaters take a look at naturopath and mum of 2, Georgia Harding's fantastic blog: Well Nourished. Here's <a href="http://wellnourished.com.au/the-well-nourished-child-trust-yourself/" target="_blank">a good post</a> to get you started.<br />
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If you are really concerned about your child's eating behaviour or nutrition do seek professional advice from a paediatrician or naturopath.Nikki Fisherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07061038678819861999noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6627109429370960702.post-38451094231349260172016-08-03T18:52:00.001+10:002016-08-03T18:52:49.245+10:0010 lessons from 10 years of parenting<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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10 years ago last Friday Pete and I became parents.<br />
<br />
A beautiful baby boy came into the world, we named him River and he continues to delight and intrigue us, to challenge us and indirectly call us to be better versions of ourselves.<br />
<br />
Decade birthdays feel like milestones more than the others, even River said on his tenth birthday, "Mum, you know how people ask if you feel different when you turn a year older? Well usually I don't but this year I do".<br />
<br />
There is no one handbook for parenting that has all the answers. Although, I do love the series of books by <a href="http://www.booktopia.com.au/the-complete-buddhism-for-mothers-sarah-napthali/prod9781742374499.html" target="_blank">Sarah Napthali </a><br />
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The work of raising children is more complex than what can be found in a book. You see, the challenge and joy in parenting is that each soul has its own purpose to fullfil, its own karmic journey.<br />
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Yes I believe in the woo woo, the wider cosmic story that takes us down paths we sometimes don't know why we're following. I believe it is this bigger story, the unfinished business from previous generations that comes through in our DNA that adds to the variables of what 'works' with one child and not with the other.<br />
<br />
I don't have all the answers but I thought from my ten years of parenting I'd share some of what I've learnt so far:<br />
<br />
<b>1. Honour the soul of the individual child. </b>This is how I parent. Yes I know that sounds woo woo too but there you go. This by no means means I make excuses or allowances for my boys in some hippy trippy kind of way it means I notice the differences in my kids and parent them accordingly. My two sons have different personalities, different interests, different strengths and weaknesses, different lessons to learn in this life and I aim to honor these differences in the way I parent. This means noticing what they're interested in and supporting and encouraging them to pursue those interests and talents, even when they're resistant. And it means setting boundaries and expectations to help them overcome what I can see is challenging for them.<br />
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<b>2. Teach your child responsibility from a young age. </b>There's no point waiting until your child becomes a teenager and then expecting them to instantly be responsible and start picking up after themselves. Start early. I know it feels easier and quicker to do things yourself but it doesn't help anyone in the long run, not you, not your child, not their future boss or future partner.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>3. Say yes. </b>I learnt this one from a dear friend who is a wise mother of four and grandmother of four. When your child asks you to play with them, forget the dishes and play with them. The childhood years are fleeting. There will come a day where they won't want to kick a ball with you, draw pictures with you, play monopoly with you (no not monopoly! anything but monopoly!) Play. Good for you, good for them. Watch how happy it makes them. But more than that it is a case of actions speak louder than words, you are showing your child you love them and are interested in what they're doing rather than just telling them.<br />
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<b>4. Don't hide behind your children. </b>It took me a while to realise this, sometimes I was using my children as an excuse for not doing things personally and professionally. Ouch! That was hard to admit. There were things that I would put off under the guise of 'my children need me' when really my children will always need me in one form or another so if there are things I want or need to do for myself then it is a matter of making it happen. The making it happen part can be tricky if you are one like me who struggles to ask for help or let someone else take over for a while. Keep it in mind.<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>5. Practice communicating clearly and openly with your partner about parenting. </b>What happens when one parent is cool with video games and the other isn't? Eating junk food?<b> </b>Watching tv everyday?<b> </b>Smacking? Time out? Being on a different page from your partner about how to raise your children can be the source of so much tension. And the problem is these are not really things most people discuss until they are on the job and the children are in front of them! The only way to deal with this is directly and honestly - but not in the heat of the moment. Over a cup of tea, a glass of wine, take a walk together, talking things through when you're both relaxed is the ideal way. And if it is really tough for you to work this out together then consider talking with a counsellor together. It is really important to get this right because mixed messages to your children doesn't help them.<br />
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<b>6. Make it a priority to keep your own cup full. </b>I have a friend who schedules in massages and facials into her diary like she does a dentist appointment. She doesn't feel guilty for making time for herself. At this stage my finances don't allow for monthly massages and facials but a walk on the beach is free, a cup of coffee is cheap, time with girlfriends is priceless. Making time to hear your own thoughts and re-connect with <i><b>who you are </b></i>is actually vital to the health, happiness and well-being of your whole family.<br />
<b><br /></b><b>7. Nurture self-esteem. </b>With both of my children in school now I've come to realise that nurturing their self-esteem is really the best thing we can do as parents to help see them through life's storms and joys. And one of the best ways to do this is to provide them with opportunities to find out what they're good at or what they enjoy and encourage them. I witnessed this when my youngest son started playing tennis, it came easily to him, he walked taller because of it. Jobs around the house play an important role in this too believe it or not. Having a sense of belonging and purpose is important for well-being, by giving our children responsibilities around the house we are giving them the opportunity to feel a sense of belonging, that they are valued, that what they contribute matters and in turn an opportunity to feel good about themselves. You can read more about self-esteem <a href="http://raisingchildren.net.au/articles/self-esteem_different_ages.html">here.</a><br />
<b><br /></b><b>8. Get to know your children's friends and their parents. </b>Socialisation is a huge part of parenting. Teaching your children how to be in social situations through leading by example is something I think is important. Having their friends over, having your friends over are great opportunities to teach your kids about how to communicate and how to be a good friend. Socialising doesn't come naturally and easily to everyone, parents included! But I think it is a really important part of life and something to share with our children. By having your children's friends in your house from a young age I believe you are setting up open lines of communication that will help you through the teenage years. Which leads me to my next point...<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>9. Each stage prepares you for the next stage. </b>I remember talking to a mum of grown up sons asking her secret for surviving the teenage years and her answer brought me so much relief 'each stage prepares you for the next stage' and how true it is. Now that my boys are in primary school, those new born days are but a memory. The challenges of surviving on little to no sleep, daytime naps, introducing solid food, things that consumed my days and thoughts are over and we have slipped into the next stage, almost without noticing and we are dancing and weaving our way through this stage as we will with all the rest ahead.<br />
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<b>10. Enjoy your children. </b>I've saved the best til last. In the midst of family life it can be all too easy to forget to enjoy our time together. Each age and stage bring challenges but it is so important to enjoy this precious time.<br />
<br />
This turned out to be much longer than I thought. I hope there's something useful in there for you!<br />
I'd love to hear your take on raising children.<br />
<b><br /></b>Nikki Fisherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07061038678819861999noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6627109429370960702.post-59622629397559308892016-07-28T17:20:00.001+10:002016-07-28T17:20:36.908+10:00tea & damper<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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"Will you go back to town on the weekend?" Shania stared intently at the fire, her brow furrowed. She shook her head no.<br />
<br />
"You prefer it out here?" I pressed on.<br />
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She nodded. Still staring at the fire.<br />
<br />
These were the first words we'd exchanged after sitting for an hour alone at the small, smouldering campfire we'd cooked breakfast on.<br />
<br />
It was our job to keep the fire flickering away to boil the billy for tea and in case the hunters came back with fish or mudcrabs.<br />
<br />
Shania liked her tea in a red plastic cup that easily held half a litre of strong tea.<br />
<br />
She made each cup with two tea bags, water boiled on the fire, a splash of cold water and no milk but a good spoon of sugar stirred in. The sugar taken from a crumpled bag that had become home to a family of ants.<br />
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<a href="http://www.riverandsol.com.au/" target="_blank">Pete</a> had gone into town, an hour and a half away on red dirt and across four river crossings. One of the crossings called Boggy Creek for good reason.<br />
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We were camping at a homeland with the Elder Pete is working with on a community led healing program, and her family.<br />
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One of the Elders had woken with a toothache and realised that the next day was a public holiday so she needed to see a dentist today. Plus her husband needed to pick up his medication from the medical clinic.<br />
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Pete's focus was getting a generator and water pump back in action for the homeland after it being without running water for two years. He packed the parts into the 4WD, the Elders and their grand-daughter climbed in and they were gone for the day.<br />
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Sol and River had gone hunting with the Elders' son and grandson and a new friend we'd made in town who was helping with repairs at the homeland.<br />
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The whole time they were away hunting I was anxious about the boys getting sunburnt, about sand fly bites covering every piece of their exposed skin and the very worst fear...crocodiles.<br />
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Shania's three month old baby was at the camp with us, I was delighted to be regularly handed the baby. Such a gorgeous boy, so chubby and full of smiles. When he grizzled I rocked him and walked the red dirt track til he fell asleep in my arms. I would return from walking and hand the sleeping baby to his mother who tucked him into bed inside one of the the three rooms that were used as bedrooms by the family.<br />
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Pete and I and the boys were camping in our two room tent and each morning I paid great attention to sweeping the sand out and straightening the bedcovers until they were perfectly straight. I needed order in the tent, it was an oasis from the sand flies whose bites stung for days.<br />
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After three days of heat and no running water our skin was grimy and itchy with sweat, sunscreen, sand, insect repellant that didn't work and the myriad of bites as evidence. I was ready to go back to town and have a shower but in an odd way I was enjoying the grime, the letting go of all the things that matter in town.<br />
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I was also ready for a full nights sleep without the constant hum of the generator or being woken by Sol who was beside himself with discomfort from the burn and itch of bites.<br />
<br />
On more than one occasion I zipped myself out of the tent and into the night with my torch to find a bucket and pour a bit of water into it from the jerry can holding water collected from the river 10 minutes drive away. Every drop counted so I used it sparingly but I had to do something in an attempt to bring Sol relief and bring us both sleep.<br />
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I washed his bare bite covered legs down with the cool water, wetting a towel and laying it over his legs. Once the burn and sting had eased slightly I dabbed the bites with a tea tree antiseptic cream and layed beside him singing softly til he fell back to sleep.<br />
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Bleary eyed I rolled back over to my bed for a few hours sleep before he woke me again. It was one of those nights that felt endless, one of those nights that mother's know so well where you just will the sun to rise and bring the day because the night is for sleeping and you're getting none of that.<br />
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<br />
"We're having Grandmother's damper for supper" announced Rose sitting crossed legged by the fire she rolled up her sleeves and washed her hands in a bucket of water as she prepared to make the dough.<br />
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Shania was assembling the ingredients in front of Rose as she requested them. "Got any baking powder Galay?" Rose called out to me. "No, but I've got self-raising flour". "Ma," she said.<br />
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Galay is the kinship word Rose uses for me. The Indigenous kinship system is like a vast weaving that takes deep concentration to follow and to start to work out the relationships. Galay is the word that refers to 'brother's wife'. Rose calls Pete wawa (brother) which makes me galay.<br />
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'Ma' means ok.<br />
<br />
Once all the ingredients were gathered from the tucker box I sat on the mat and watched Rose mix and need the dough. Her elegant hands flattened and smoothed the dough over and over until it was supple and lightly dusted in flour. Rose began shaping pieces into squares about the size of a slice of bread. She placed a fry pan on the grate over the fire and poured in sunflower oil to fry the dough in. The result was somewhere between a donut and the fried scones my great grandmother made when I was a child. Rose sat carefully cooking each piece until there were two towering piles. "This one's for your family, my family," she laughed, "I know how much boys eat".<br />
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With all the pieces cooked everyone gathered around to eat. It was dark by now. A fluorescent light powered by the generator hung from a nearby tree and gave us light to squeeze golden syrup onto our damper from a plastic squeezy bottle and to pour cups of tea.<br />
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I ate my piece of damper that was crisp on the outside and softly doughy on the inside. Golden syrup dripped down my hand adding stickiness to the mix of sweat, sand and sunscreen already on my skin.<br />
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The texture and sweetness of the damper was as satisfying as the nostalgic memory of my own grandmother's version also eaten with golden syrup. I thanked Rose for the damper, drank my tea and headed to the tent if not to sleep to rest until the sun rose again.<br />
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<i><b>Have you eaten damper by the fire? Or fried scones with your grandmother? I'd love to hear your stories.</b></i><br />
<br />
<i>*some names have been changed </i><br />
<br />
<br />Nikki Fisherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07061038678819861999noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6627109429370960702.post-88372220264904386762016-07-18T16:02:00.000+10:002016-07-18T16:02:35.252+10:00first impressions: north east arnhem land<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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After a mere 10 hours driving from Katherine, 700 kms of the drive on red dirt avoiding pot holes, sandy bogs and jagged rock we arrived in Arnhem Land.<br />
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For 11 years I've been hearing about Arnhem Land and Peter's Yolgnu family who live here.<br />
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Finally we are here together with our own children.<br />
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<a href="http://www.cultureislife.org/" target="_blank">Pete is working </a>with a Yolngu Grandmother here who takes care of her community through a healing program, taking young at-risk Yolngu out to homelands for support and healing.<br />
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We are based in Nhulunbuy the mining town set up here on the Gove Peninsula in the late 60's when Rio Tinto started mining bauxite for aluminium.<br />
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From Nhulunbuy we go out bush with Pete for him to do his work.<br />
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The coastline and landscape is postcard perfect except when the mine and refinery come into view, the mined red earth and the imposing refinery buildings and silos look like something out of a sci fi film dropped from the sky.<br />
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It is hard to fathom what it must have been like here in the 60's before the mine arrived and even harder to imagine what it must have been like when Rio Tinto made their mining 'deal' with the Traditional Owners of this land.<br />
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I don't even feel like I am in Australia anymore. It is a place of its own here.<br />
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We are remote in many senses.<br />
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Food comes in on a barge from Darwin once a week. Once the supermarket runs out of something for the week that's it. I was told on one of my first visits to the shops "Sorry, no bananas until next week".<br />
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But then there's Nature's 'supermarket' where real food is plentiful if you know where to look and how to catch it.<br />
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On our first trip out bush we ate the most spectacular mud crab, speared in the mangroves by a Yolgnu friend and cooked on the beach by his mother. "From the mangrove, to the fire, to your mouth," she said laughing as she handed Sol and I a crab claw to share.<br />
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There was no sense of time that day on the beach until the sun started to set, "We need to get back to camp before its dark, so they can collect gapu (water) from the creek" our Grandmother friend said looking up the beach for her son and husband who had gone fishing with River and Pete.<br />
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As dusk settled around us on the beach I began to worry about baru (crocodile). I looked up the beach nervously hoping to see the hunters walking back. I noticed Grandmother and her daughter-in-law did not take their eyes off the sandy point in the distance where the men had gone hunting, they too seemed to be willing them to walk back into view soon.<br />
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Within minutes we could see them walking back towards us. No fish today. We were happy and grateful for the crab. Grandmother gave the other crab claw to Peter and River to share and divided the body of the crab up for her and her husband, her son and daughter-in-law.<br />
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I shared this story on my facebook page, it has been one of my favorite moments of the trip so far...<br />
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We went to meet Nandi Beth, Pete's Yolgnu mum. Nandi is the Yolgnu word for mother. Nandi Beth was spending a few days in hospital, nothing serious so we went to the hospital to meet her. Her delight and joy at seeing River and Sol for the first time was so lovely. She hugged them to her and smiled from her heart, then stood back and looked at the boys, "I get depressed when I come to hospital. Now you've made me happy". In the car when we left Sol said, "We look different but we have the same feelings. Grandmothers love to see grandchildren." They sure do. It was such an experience of universal love.<br />
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There are challenges here. Divisions. Politics. Corruption.<br />
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There are wonders here. Songlines. Dreaming. Artistry. Family. Ceremony.<br />
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I hope you'll stick around to hear more.Nikki Fisherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07061038678819861999noreply@blogger.com0