Just A Few Drinks

'Hi, Sobriety: Our Changing Relationship with Alcohol' was the title of a feature article in the Good Weekend liftout in The Age newspaper here on the weekend.

The article included personal stories of "grey-area drinkers", people who aren't fully fledged alcoholics rather they're drinkers who don't like their relationship with booze and what it's doing to their body, mind and lives.

I've never been a heavy drinker but genetically speaking I probably should be.

I grew up in a family who like a wine or beer or 10, so drinking daily and drinking heavily on the weekend was a normal way to live.

I've worked in the hospitality industry on and off for over twenty years and woven into that a decade in food media. There's plenty to drink in those worlds and the lines between healthy and problematic drinking are very blurry.

It was great to see the article in The Age raising the profile of this all too common problem, a problem that I think is the elephant in Australia's living room.

The expectation to drink in Australia feels so embedded that to not drink is viewed by some as downright unAustralian. According to the article that tide of expectation is turning and sobriety is becoming the new black but in my immediate world there is still plenty of evidence of booze causing problems in people's lives.

I'm in my mid forties, with a number of women friends for whom wine has become something they wish they could moderate or give up but on which they rely to 'de-stress' only to find it ends in a hangover, anxiety and sometimes a drunken argument thrown in.

And what scares me is I know first hand from witnessing friends and family battle the harder realities of problem drinking - the accidents, the rock-bottom, rehab, recovery and sadly people dying - that these things can and do happen all too easily.

If you're concerned - even in the slightest - about your relationship with alcohol don't ignore that quiet niggling feeling or that loud voice that yells inside your head and heart.

Listen to your thoughts and feelings, write them down, talk to a friend, talk to a counsellor,
your GP, or check out online resources such as Hello Sunday Morning that features a tailored program to support people to change their relationship with alcohol.

And if you're watching someone you love battle with booze, it's a big step to talk to them about it but for some it can be a turning point. For others your words of concern will fall on deaf ears and that's hard but if you don't try you'll never know and you don't want to be left wishing you'd said something. Believe me.

If you are going to say something, choose your moment well. Choose a time free of interruption and a time when your loved one is sober. Also choose your words well. This conversation is not about shaming or blaming, the person you love will be doing a very good job internally of that. The words can go along the lines of this, "I've been wanting to talk to you about something, it might be a hard thing to talk about but I'm concerned about you and just want to check in and see if you're ok. I'm concerned about the amount you're drinking, how are you feeling about it?"

The aim of the conversation is to show you care and to provide an opportunity for an open, honest discussion. Your friend or family may not be at all ready or interested in having the conversation and there are risks involved - your friend or family member may become angry and not want to talk to you for a while - but talking is the place to start moving us towards an Australia where drinking isn't expected, where we rethink our collective attitude to alcohol. And where people are actually happier and healthier for it.

*disclaimer I'm not an expert in counselling and every situation will be different if you are concerned about your own drinking habits or that of a loved one seek professional advice, if you have a good local doctor they can be a good starting point. And if they're not, don't give up, keep trying until you find someone you like who is helpful.

a love story

Today I thought I'd be romantic and tell you a love story.

Everyone loves a love story right?

It's the story of how Pete and I met.

A good ten years before we met and fell in love I admired Pete from a distance.

Not in a romantic way, I was in a long term relationship.

The first time I laid eyes on Pete was at the launch of a calendar he had photographed to save the Goolengook Rainforest.

Hearing him speak that night I was full of admiration for his free spirit, for his free thinking, for the way he stood up for things he believed in and completely in awe of his photography.

I bought the calendar and after the year was over I cut the photos out of the calendar and stored them in a tea chest. I didn't know Pete and I didn't meet him that night. I saved the photos for years.

In my mid twenties the relationship I was in ended and I spent a few years living out a bit of arrested development. I was old before my time during my teens so I gave myself a second chance at the adolescent years in my late twenties, some of it wasn't pretty but oh well lucky for my kids I got that out of my system then!

I was almost twenty nine when a switch flicked in my being, that switch I'd heard about but didn't believe in until I experienced. 'Must find father of my children' played over and over in my brain.

I became clearly focused on finding the love of my life to have children with.

I remember talking to a happily married friend who had two children and asking her, "How do you know when you've met the right person?" "You just know" she said with reassurance and confidence in her voice. I wasn't convinced.

It was during this time that Pete reappeared in my life.

A mutual friend asked me to interview Pete for a magazine story.

We met at a cafe and Pete told me his story of travelling to Arnhem Land to record and photograph the stories of the Yolngu people in North East Arnhem Land.

At the end of the interview Pete said, "I'd like to read it before you submit it to the editor". This caught me by surprise. It wasn't standard procedure for me to do this with people I interviewed.
"Ok" I said tentatively.

A week later Pete came over to my house and read the story I'd written about his life.

Let's just say there was a lot of creative toing and froing about what should stay in the story and what should be cut! This would be the first of many creative tussles between us.

Our friendship was born but it would be some months and some serious soul searching on my behalf before our relationship was swept into love and romance.

Eleven years later, two beautiful children later we are living our happily ever after in all its raw and honest glory.

We are both creative, sensitive, spirited souls which doesn't always make for smooth sailing but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Our lives together are rich and compelling.

My friend was right, you just know.

a mushroom recipe & going with the flow

We were meant to leave for Alice Springs on Friday. And then it changed to Saturday and now we just don't know exactly what day we will leave.

A chesty cough coupled with fever and headaches for River and Pete, and croup and ear pain for Sol (and a whole lot of loving kindness going out from me!) mean that our trip is delayed. And that's just how it goes.

Today my sister-in-law Davini was to join us for lunch (that's us in the pic, celebrating last year with a ladies lunch before Davini and her now husband Scott's wedding).  Davini coming for a visit is a big thing because we only see each other a few times a year, partly because of the distance between our two houses and the fullness of our lives, particularly Davini who has a blended family of six teenagers. So even with sick relatives she didn't mind, she wanted to see us before we head off. With her big family Davini is no stranger to what it takes to nurse your family back to wellness, so it was nice for me to have the moral support!

You can thank Davini for today's recipe, there's a few things she can't eat and she's a great cook and food lover, so during the week I pondered what to prepare for our Sunday lunch and came up with baked mushrooms with pesto and goat's cheese, and a roasted vegetable salad. Only problem was our Sunday lunch plans changed as we both had to go with the flow of family life.

Davini's morning began with chasing her twins school camp bus 100km up the highway because after waving the twins goodbye at the bus she went home to find that her daughter, our darling niece, had left her bag of clothes and other essentials at home. "I'll be later than 12pm, enjoy lunch without me" came Davini's text.

Meanwhile at our place Sol woke at 5.30am with ear pain. Off to the local emergency he and I went. An ear infection brewing was the last thing we needed. The doctor checked him over and as Sol didn't have a temperature and there was no redness in his ears we went home with pain relief.

The ear pin subsided and then returned with a vengeance by the early afternoon when Davini arrived. Between packing, loading the trailer, shopping for River's birthday present I'd managed to roast the vegetables for the salad and that was about it. All Sol wanted to do was lay with head on my lap so I could rub his ear. Fortunately Davini had a late breakfast and wasn't hungry but was keen to run some errands for me to help out. Thankyou Davini!

After some more pain medicine Sol fell asleep for the afternoon. Davini returned from running my errands and had bought some ear candles for Sol. After a bit more of a chat we said our goodbyes and Davini headed home. After she left and while Sol slept I finally got to make the pesto and bake the mushrooms!

Here's the recipe for you. They are extremely delicious. I will have to cook them for you Davini when we get back in the spring time. Thanks for the back up today xx

Baked mushrooms with dairy free pesto and goat's cheese

(not sponsored I just like this goat's fetta and the people who make it)

For the dairy free pesto

1 cup tightly packed basil leaves
1 clove of garlic
1 tsp sea salt
2 tablespoons pine nuts
1 tablespoon savoury yeast
1/4 cup olive oil (plus a splash more depending on the texture you like your pesto)

Place all ingredients in high powered blender or food processor and blend until it is a texture you like, chunky, smooth or somewhere in between.

For the mushrooms

4 large field mushrooms
4 tablespoons of goats cheese (fetta or not is fine)

Heat oven to 180 degrees celsius.
Place a splash of olive oil in a baking tray and cover the tray with it.
Cut stalks from mushrooms and finely chop.
Mix the stalks with the pesto.
Place mushrooms on the tray with inside of mushroom facing up.
Spoon pesto mixture into each mushroom and bake for 8-10 minutes.
Remove from oven and crumble fetta on top and sprinkle with extra pine nuts, return to oven for a few minutes until cheese is melted and nuts are toasted. Be careful not to burn the nuts!

Enjoy with salad and your favorite sister-in-law if you're lucky to have one like mine :)

What's happening at your place? Is everyone well? How do you deal with ear troubles in children?

love, friendship and a kitchen colander

If you've read my about page you will know that I thank my great grandmother, Emily Rowe, for fostering in me a love of cooking and sharing good food with family and friends. I feel very blessed to have known and loved Grandma, as I called her, for the first eighteen years of my life. I was devastated when she died in her mid-eighties; she lived a long life but I thought she would live forever she was such strong and vibrant woman. And of course she does live on forever in my heart and I suppose you could say in her cooking legacy too.

Some weeks after Grandma’s funeral my Nan (Grandma’s daughter) presented me with a beautiful gift: Grandma’s rose gold wedding band (pictured above). I felt so honoured and treasure Grandma's ring to this day, especially because two and a half years ago Pete placed this ring on my finger when we were married.

So. You can imagine how upset I was when last monday this precious ring flew off my finger and into the sand on the beach at Ocean Shores. We've been starting our mornings at the beach while we are here in northern New South Wales, Pete surfs and River, Sol and I play on the sand. This particular morning Pete was out in the waves and I had been reading to the boys, I stood up to brush sand off my legs and goodbye wedding ring. Yes there were tears.

On hands and knees, River, Sol and I gently crawled around the patch of sand where we had been sitting. I couldn't understand why the ring was not just sitting on top of the sand, as it was so early in the morning and the sand was flat and undisturbed. After twenty minutes Pete came out of the water and joined us in our search. After an hour Pete suggested we leave and track down a metal detector.

My initial response when the ring went flying was that I wouldn't leave the beach until it was found. After an hour of searching and feeling like the ring had actually vanished, Pete's suggestion sounded good. And rational.

We went home and started making phone calls starting with a tools and equipment hire company "Oh no your wedding ring!" came Glen's sympathetic voice. "I'm so sorry we don't have a metal detector, what we do have is a phone number of a guy called Lance he's a bit of a character, a bit like a snake charmer. Lance has a metal detector and he'll come out and search the beach for you for a fee. Gee good luck with it". Glen's sincerity was almost cause for more tears. We called Lance. No answer. We left a message and moved on to the next phone number, Tom a friend of a friend, Tom has a metal detector. A few messages later I finally speak to Tom. Tom is busy all day and into the night, not able to get home to get the metal detector "I'd be able to help you out tomorrow afternoon." TOMORROW AFTERNOON! That is a whole tide change away. 

As disappointed as I was feeling I still had losing the ring in perspective. In reality it was a band of metal, yes a very special and sentimentally valuable piece of metal but I still had what is most important in life - my health, my family and friends. So I said to Tom, "Tomorrow afternoon would be fine. I am being philosophical about this and if I am meant to find it I will."

To cheer me up and take my mind off the sadness I was feeling Pete suggested we go out for lunch at our friend's health food shop in Brunswick Heads and meet up there with our friend Meghan. I have to admit I wasn't feeling particularly social but agreed because I knew sulking wasn't going to help either. 

I felt so upset I couldn't order anything to eat or even my daily coffee which is normally a highlight of my day! I ordered chai. Meghan arrived with her friend Janice and as I sipped chai I shared my wedding ring woes. Meghan and Janice listened, were sympathetic and then like all great women went above and beyond the call of duty without fanfare.

Well if I had access to a brass band for the afternoon I'd send them marching up Meghan and Janice's street because let me tell you these ladies deserve fanfare. After lunch Meghan and Janice put their shopping plans on hold and went home to get colanders from their kitchens. They then headed to the beach. To search for my ring. Sisterhood in action right there.

Based on very vague information from me at lunch about our whereabouts on the beach where the ring was lost, Meghan and Janice had decided they were going to find my wedding ring, Emily Rowe's wedding ring.

In my mixed up emotional relay of the story I had said we were at the second track along the beach, when in fact it was the third track. The ladies arrived at the second track and on the beach within minutes Janice announced to Meghan "We're not in the right place". Undeterred they walked to the end of the next track. "This is it," declared Janice confidently "I can see the finger marks in the sand where they've been looking". 

Meghan later tells me on the phone, "We found the area and drew a rectangle in the sand around it, and then we had a system so we didn't miss anywhere working along the edge of the rectangle putting handfuls of sand through the colanders". Can you believe their kindness? Determination? Focus? I am still in awe!

And what I am even more in awe of is that they FOUND MY RING!!

Meghan put her had into the sand and didn't even need the colander, she felt the ring in the sand and screamed out to Janice "I've got it!" Just at that moment they looked up at the water and saw a whale. True story.

I was speechless when Meghan phoned. Speechless and grateful. I couldn't work out what I was more overwhelmed by - their kindness or the fact that they found my ring.

Thank you, thank you, thank you ladies. I am forever grateful xxx