Tuesday, October 23, 2018

Money Matters

Whether we like it or not money DOES matter.

How we earn it, how we spend it, how we save it.

There's no doubt our early role models influence our adult relationship with dollars and cents.

In my case, those role models weren't ideal!!

My parents idea of investing was going to the casino or betting on the horses.

My mum worked hard for her money but didn't manage it well.

Her underlying emotions of not feeling taken care of, anger and resentment towards my dad (he skipped town when I was four, that's a whole other story), and general overwhelm about life meant she spent money to make herself feel better. Only it never really worked because she wasn't dealing with the core issues of her inner emotional life.

If I'm brutally honest I've been repeating some of my mum's patterns (for different reasons) - minus the gambling.

Not that I'm blaming my parents, I'm a grown up now and make my own choices but where we come from influences the choices we make if we don't stop to reflect and make different, better choices.

I think honest money talk amongst friends is still widely taboo, it is another one of those life areas where many people want to give the impression they have it all sorted when really they don't.

I've been working on increasing my income because I have a tendency to stay in low paying jobs despite having skills that I could use in more profitable ways. That's not pretty to admit. And I'm the only one who can change it.

Relationship to work and money is both complex and simple, a bit like relationship to food or alcohol or exercise; intellectually we know the benefits of earning a decent income, saving, investing, budgeting, eating well, exercising and so on but what stops us from doing what we know is good for us?

Author of The Artist's Way, Julia Cameron calls money, sex, food, alcohol, drugs 'the deadlies' because for many they can have a huge emotional charge attached to them and when misused can indeed be deadly.

American author and money mentor Barbara Huson has written a number of books on the topic of women and wealth, Barbara says we need to do "the inner work as well as the outer work" - that is, it isn't as simple as writing a budget and sticking to it. We need to look at why we play small, why we self-sabotage, what are the deep emotions driving our behaviours. And her other main point is "the issue is never about money it is about power" it is about women stepping into their power in every sense not just financially.

Barbara writes about the different ways that men and women view money and power and that there is a way to think about power from a feminine perspective, she is not talking about women pursuing a traditional masculine sense of power.

While I deeply believe that our physical and mental health and well-being is our greatest asset in this lifetime, I also know that financial wealth brings a level of ease to life and provides choices that influence our physical and mental health.

I think it is such an important topic - our relationship to work and money - because at the extreme there are women and children living in poverty or living with domestic violence in its various forms because the women are not in their power - be that financial and emotional power.

I would love to see this change of course, and change starts with talking about it.

Something else to consider is the link between money, time and energy. I notice that when I am feeling depleted in one area I am feeling depleted in other areas too. If I pay attention to how I am valuing - or not valuing - my time and energy, it relates to my money as well.

Identifying 'leaks' in our money, time and energy can go a long way to increasing our emotional and financial power.

More power to us ladies!

I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences on this topic.

Leave a comment or send me an email nikkifisher@iprimus.com.au

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