the I in family

When I was 30 I studied zen shiatsu. I remember the first class sitting in the circle of about 20 students of all ages and walks of life, listening to people tell their story as we went around introducing ourselves.

To this day, the only person in that circle that stands out in my memory is a softly spoken woman in her forties whose vulnerability and nervousness was obvious and the feeling behind her words incomprehensible to me, "I'm here because I've spent the last twenty years of my life raising my children and I haven't really had many interests outside of that so I thought I would try this out."

How could this happen?! My pre-baby self thought. How could any woman's sense of self disappear just because she became a mother and wife?! This woman seemed so lovely and at the same time seemed so, well, lost.

In that moment I vowed to myself that when I had children I would never let that happen to me. I would maintain my sense of self and continue to grow outside of being a wife and mother.

About six weeks into the shiatsu course I found out I was pregnant with River. I was beyond thrilled.

I finished the course but never did return to further my study in shiatsu, and now sitting here just turned forty and eight years into motherhood I have to say I have a whole new understanding of the mother in that circle.

As any mother reading this will know it is VERY easy to become lost in family life. And it is especially easy if like me, you have always been very maternal so have always adored being with children, but also if you are a people pleaser who doesn't like to rock the boat (unless it really needs rocking) and who thinks taking time out or asking for help is selfish and a sign of weakness. That was hard to write.

Without getting too psychoanalytical, I know that these tendencies are rooted deeply in my being and I am only at the beginning of being aware of them and changing my ways. Why change? Because they are no longer serving me. Up until now I have been genuinely happy being so devoted to my family in a way that even some of my closest friends marvel at and don't understand.

However if I'm honest, somewhere along the line I confused being a loving mother and wife with being available on tap to my family and giving, sometimes even when there was very little left to give.

With my youngest turning 5 next month and starting school next year we are entering a new season of family life and a bit like the woman in the shiatsu class I am at a new place of finding myself.

I feel relieved that I 'woke up' before I was completely lost and perhaps filled with regret or worse resentment. I can actively attend to what needs to change within me and continue to give of myself from a full cup rather than running on empty.

Watch this space.

Do you sometimes feel lost in your role as wife and/or mother? What are your tips for self-preservation and self-love? Your words might just help a mum who really needs it.

supply + demand

The self-learning continues. Lately I've been feeling the demands of my three beloved males, pushing and pulling, spinning me around as I dance to the beat of their drum. At times the relentlessness of trying to be creative and fulfil my ambitions while tending to domestic and family life with grace, leaves me feeling, well, weighted down and a little off kilter.

And so. What to do? How to come back to centre?

I admit last week was a particularly 'demanding' week, with River having ear infections in both ears, Sol slicing his foot open on a broken piece of glass, Pete having a man flu, my neck and shoulder muscles seizing up, River burning his leg on a steel bucket filled with hot ash, then just as River is getting well Sol cries with ear pain and develops a cough. Oh, and did I mention getting my period and my mother-in-law and her dog arriving to stay?

I remember a similar feeling in my twenties, with friends, where I felt swamped by my need to
over-supply. Instead of easing back, laying boundaries I just pulled out of the friendship. All or nothing just like that, cut off supply. That's not an option this time, nor was it a good choice the previous times.

So, I must adjust my ways so that my three guys adjust theirs. Being married, being a mother, being creative stretches me in the most wonderful ways. The self-learning: it's ok not to be available 'on tap', it doesn't mean I love them any less and they won't love me any less; it's ok to send them to find their own socks, make their own snack and for Dad to step in and me to step out. In fact it is right and important that all of that happens and it is up to me to redirect demands and conserve my supply.

Have you ever taken a holiday without your family? The hour here and there I take to catch my breath, the five hours once a week with River at school and Sol at kinder isn't quite cutting it. I think a mama holiday is on my horizon.

If you have taken some time away where did you go? what did you do? did the missing your family outweigh the 'filling you cup'? or was it just perfect? I'd love to hear.  

monday musings: on parenting

Its true children don’t come with their own personal instruction book explaining how to raise them. No, parenting is very much a learning by doing experience. I’m sure that sometimes children wished their parents came with instruction books too!

From the moment River was born I felt simultaneously in bliss and over-awed, in bliss that this precious little being was ours to love and nurture, and over-awed by the responsibility to ‘get it right’. By get it right I mean parent him to be the best that he can be.

River turned seven a few weeks ago (we celebrated with sushi see above and a bonfire), and I can feel and see the shift in him from childhood to boyhood. I watch him taking the world in, soaking up every nuance of life and the people around him. He is hungry. Hungry to learn, hungry for life. At the end of this next seven year cycle River will be fourteen and heading into the heart of his adolescence. I am conscious of giving him every opportunity, now, at this age, to grow in his confidence and capabilities.

As each birthday comes around for my children I find myself reflecting on the ways they’ve grown and how Pete and I have grown in our parenting. Or not grown. Its a good time to be mindful about what needs some work.

Over-thinking things is something I've done too often in the past, including how to parent. I’ve learned to let that go and found a happy place of being mindful rather than overwrought with analytical thinking that leads to second guessing myself.

I approach parenting with the adage ‘begin with the end in mind’, that is, think about the men and women you’d like your children to become and lay the foundations from birth. Pete and I want our boys to have respect for themselves, for others and for the world they live in. We are raising them to use their initiative and to realise from a young age that they are part of a bigger picture and that starts with contributing in our home.

I look around at the young men and women I know and am curious about how they have been parented, I ask their parents for tips and advice and file them away ready to put into practice.

The biggest obstacles I see on the path of parents and their children in these times are technology, fake food, and added to that for teenagers is the alcohol culture that has become an unfortunate excuse for a rite of passage. How to deal with these obstacles are posts for another day.

At this moment, in this season of my parenting I am filled with joy watching my boy’s personalities and passions unfold. River the actor, fisherman, surfer, guitarist, such a social being, always asking ‘what I have to eat mum?’ Sol the artist, painting daily is his meditation, colour and drawing held his attention from a young age, lost in imaginary play, boundless energy from the moment his eyes pop open, such physical strength, in awe of his big brother.

I am also challenged and tired by hearing ‘no!’ from them and when they squabble and whine.

Above all, I am beyond grateful. Grateful for the opportunity to parent these boys and to do so with Pete who is a wonderful father, who is fully present in every sense of the word. The three of them challenge me to grow, to be the best I can and to dig deeper. Even when I feel exhausted, thinking I can dig no more, I find more and I thank them for that.

Where are you at with parenting? Share your tips and experiences in the comments...

my kitchen rules

This post has nothing to do with the television program of the same title, it was just a sneaky way for me to name the post and veer slightly off topic and on to the mysterious knack of keeping house with children who are still learning the 'house rules'.

I have a friend who I admire, we'll call her D, D has an almost magical ability to keep her home in impeccable order without it feeling clinical or uninviting. In fact it is just the opposite, her home is aesthetically beautiful and the order imbues it with a sense of calm making it a warm and welcoming space to be in. She has two sons under the age of 7 and you can arrive unannounced day or night and order reigns supreme.

I marvel about her to other friends "I have this friend who..." and those friends say "oh but she must spend her whole day cleaning and tidying".

I recently came clean (pardon the pun) and asked D her secret. She laughed that I wanted to know and then happily filled me in.

I thought her answer may interest you too (sorry to those who couldn't care!) I am always curious about how other people 'do' life and am eternally searching for better ways to do things myself.

D says, "I can't think clearly if the space around me is disorganised. I am just one of those people who needs things to be ordered. And no I definitely don't spend all day cleaning up".

I suggested that really all people probably function best when their space is ordered but it is the how to make that happen that is a mystery to many, especially when you have professional house messer upperers (children) to derail your order.

Here is D's strategy:

Get rid of stuff. Regularly - "less stuff = less to organise, put away, tidy etc;"
Storage - "a place for everything and everything in its place"
Morning ritual - "washing goes on as soon as I get up. Beds are made as soon as everyone is up"
Dishes - "I never let them stack up. I let them drip dry but I wash them as we go."
Toys - "I have taught my boys to clean as they go. They pack up one game before they start the next."

Sounds pretty simple, yes? Or no?

Something else occurred to me about D's secret to success: her sense of style. D has a great eye for putting things together. Some people have a natural flair for this. I'm not entirely convinced that it comes naturally to me, and I used to think that putting a lot of time and effort into how things look was er dare I say, superficial.

I've changed my mind. Creating a home that is aesthetically pleasing is not superficial, there is an organic way to go about that too by seeking out recycled furniture and fabrics rather than buying new. And because of my perfectionist tendencies I've been slow to learn that it takes time to master things, even your own sense of style and it is ok to ask for help from those you admire.

How are you at keeping house? Are you in a happy space? Or couldn't care about that pile of dishes?

wholefood mama maintenance

When was the last time you had a medical check up? Or visited your natural health practitioner?

I recently had a blood test to check my cholesterol level, triglycerides, iron, vitamin D, thyroid function etc; I do this every two years mainly because my mum died very unexpectedly at age 44 of a heart attack and because I believe so much that prevention is better than cure. Don't wait to get sick to get well!

The test results came back showing I was anaemic (low in iron). Tiredness is a common side effect of being anaemic and there I was thinking I was tired from Sol waking me up every night. After all, aren't all mothers tired? Well apparently not. And there is a difference between feeling tired and feeling exhausted to the bone and no amount of rest or sleep can restore your energy.

Anaemia has been an on and off problem for me since giving birth to River almost 7 years ago. It is not because I don't have enough iron in my diet but more so an absorption issue.

I decided to write about this here because I think many mothers put their own health and wellness at the bottom of their very full to do list and it really needs to be at the top.

I booked in to see my local Chinese medicine practitioner and spent an hour receiving acupuncture, shiatsu, wisdom and herbs. In addition to taking the herbs it was recommended I have a daily root vegetable juice, drink plenty of water and also chlorophyll. It was not recommended I sit down to a great big steak which is a common thought, that meat is the answer to anaemia, eating big amounts of red meat if your digestion is weak will make you more tired! I am enjoying the ritual of making the juice and now that the weather has finally cooled I have made a bone stock. The herbs have made a huge difference to my energy in just 10 days of taking them. The words of wisdom I received that I think will resonate with many mothers is to do things in your own time on your own terms, set goals that work for the present always with an ideal in mind that will be more possible in the future.

In your own time, on your own terms. Don't you love that? This applies to so many aspects of mothering and looking after yourself while you are busily focused on looking after all those around you. For instance, weaning, co-sleeping, practicing yoga, changing your family's diet. Your ideal might be to attend a yoga class twice a week but for now a yoga DVD at home is more achievable. Your ideal might be for your family to eat wholefood home cooked meals three times a day but for now you are focusing on wholefood breakfasts and saying goodbye to boxed cereals and white toast every morning.

What are you doing to take care of you mama? Do you find it hard to do?

the generation gap: grandparents and sugar

I'm curious, does anyone out there have a wholefood grandmother or if you're really lucky two wholefood grandmother's in their family? Or a wholefood grandfather? I'd love to hear.

Both Pete's mum and my nan are of similar vintage, they are beautiful grandmothers we love them to bits and like many grandparents they have sweet teeth, that's right not just one tooth, a whole mouthful of them and take great delight in giving our children sweet 'treats' mainly in the form of chocolate AND/or ice cream. These great women grew up in times before fast food, before overly processed and packaged additive filled 'food', they were the days of backyard veggie gardens and chooks, cooking from scratch, and at times - going without.

Fast forward to the days of 'convenience' food and these beloved ladies are kicking up their sugar coated heels and relishing every moment of pouring ready made custard from the carton on to their heat'n'eat apple pie. My nan still loves to bake, cheesecake and pavlova being her signature desserts. And in some ways I can't blame them! They are living long lives defying nutritional odds, they've worked very hard, given a lot (and still do) so I say yes ladies put your feet up and have your pav and eat it too. Of course I can't help but think of the longevity and vitality that adopting even just a few wholefood ways would provide for them.

When it comes to sharing the sugar coated love with our boys, the sweet treats from their grandparents are well spaced as we only catch up once a month sometimes less because of the distance apart that we live. If we lived closer I fear I'd have to change the rules. I say fear because you and I both know there'd be tears and possibly not just from the children.

Grandparents are not the only ones though who take great delight in filling children with sugar and other processed junk 'food', other relatives and some friends do too.

I read with interest on the weekend an extract of Dara-Lynn Weiss' book The Heavy: A Mother's Battle Against Her Seven-Year-Old Daughter's Obesity. What stood out to me in Weiss' story is the way she stood up to social pressures on a daily basis to prevent her child being offered and encouraged to eat unhealthy or excess food. The stakes were higher for Weiss in navigating this because her daughter at age 7 was obese and had high blood pressure, she was very clear first with herself and then with those around her that she wanted to improve her daughters health and if that meant asking her daughter when she went to a friend's birthday party to choose between chocolate and cake then she would. It wasn't always easy but she did it with the best grace and good nature she could muster and her daughter is healthier for it.

Parents of children with allergies are also navigating more challenging waters when faced with people who want to pressure their children into eating foods that are not compatible with their body. 'Go on just a little bit won't hurt'. A friend learned her child was allergic to orange juice and dairy, she took her child to her mother-in-laws to be minded for the day and explained the allergy diagnosis. Her mother-in-law replied that she didn't believe in allergies "you never heard of it in my day." Well no you didn't but that's a whole other post.

I am well underway with writing my first ebook and it relates to this post. I am working at filling it with useful information, tips and recipes to help you share the whole food love with your family. One of the chapters covers dealing with peer pressure from grandparents and other caregivers to feed your children junk. I would love to hear your experiences with this.

Do you have parents or grandparents who are not on the same page as you when it comes to sugary 'treats'? Have you had to set limits? Do you make allowances? Or do you have wholefood grandparents so it isn't an issue? Is converting your family from eating processed food to wholefood something that you are working at or have you already done so? Tell me tell me tell me do.

real life

Pete's mum (Pepe) came to stay for a night and when we are together our wholefood ways go on holiday and we eat food that is not normally on our table. For dinner Pepe bought us fish and chips for a picnic at the beach. River and Sol were very excited because Pepe and Charlie (her dog) were staying, and because we were having 'treats'.

I'm writing about this because I am conscious of wanting to keep it real on this blog. I don't want to give the impression that we eat homemade humus and sprout salad 100% of the time and are holier than thou. I think it is so important not to be dogmatic about anything in our lives, doing so with food can set up patterns of binging and guilt and banning foods from children make them all the more attractive.

On a visit to Dr Gruba he told me about a patient who was so strict with following an elimination diet and not returning to a wide variety of food that she actually created allergies for herself by being so restrictive.

So while Pepe was here we ate white ciabatta with ham and mustard, we took the boys out for an ice cream and in the evening had fish and chips. And today as we waved goodbye, Pete and I looked forward to a wholefood dinner! We enjoyed the moment, our time together and while the food we ate was not our normal fare we didn't gorge on it either because in our experience the further along the wholefood/healthy path we go the more sensitive we are to fried food, refined food, processed food and it doesn't feel good to eat too much, it might taste good at the time but the feeling afterwards not so much.

I was chatting to a friend recently who is a natural health practitioner and eats mainly raw foods, we talked about that if you are very health conscious it is sometimes challenging for those around you and they enjoy pointing out if you stray from your healthy path...eat a chocolate bar, fish and chips, pizza.

The reality is there are many opportunities in life to eat unhealthy, low nutrient food, in fact I'd say it is the dominant culture so if you are forging ahead finding your way with wholefoods and feel like you are going against the tide of processed food advertising and peer pressure from family and friends I think it is fantastic because whether those around you come on board, the fact you are protecting your health and vitality is to be celebrated and you just never know who you are quietly inspiring to change their ways.

"Be the change you want to see in the world"

To sum this up, lay your wholefood foundations, keeping learning, keep noticing how you feel as you make changes and when you occasionally step left or right to fast food or lollies etc; do so with awareness stopping before you overdo it and without guilt or regret knowing that you have built or are building a solid wholefood path to return to.

I hope that is helpful to read. Are guilt and regret around food and eating something you struggle with? Perhaps that can be a goal to let go of them this year and celebrate all that you are doing to eat well and live well. xx

2013 - get glowing!

2013 we're off and away.

We had a 'private' party to see the new year in. After a very social December there was nowhere else I wanted to be than at home with my three gorgeous guys, cooking beautiful food, drinking fruit punch and toasting to all that we loved about 2012 and what we are looking forward to this next year.

I am naming 2013 a power year. I was born on Friday the 13th, so thirteen is a lucky number for me and my wish for you is that this year is all you dream it to be.

I'm looking forward to getting to know more of you this year and to sharing recipes and stories from the kitchen, recipes that go beyond looks and taste and nourish us at a deeper level.

I am bursting with inspiration for all I want to write this year both here and elsewhere and I hope that you will find information and inspiration aplenty right here to eat well and be well.

For today, I share these words from Lao Tzu

"Water your dreams with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success. Always be on the lookout for ways to turn a problem into an opportunity. Always be on the lookout for ways to nurture your dreams."

What are you dreaming? What would you like to see here this year? Recipes? Interviews? Anything specific? Nutrition? Health and wellness? Help with getting started on the wholefood path? I'm all ears. Happy New Year to you and yours x

merry christmas

Sol and I have enjoyed fresh mango followed by a golden toasted slice of panettone for breakfast over the past few mornings. Panettone is a sweet bread, rich with butter and eggs and studded with sultanas and candied citrus peel. Originating in Milan it is traditionally prepared to celebrate Christmas. My earliest memory of panettone is as a child at my nana's house.

My nan worked as a dressmaker all her life and in the factory where she worked throughout my childhood, many of the women she worked with were Italian or Greek. My brother and I enjoyed going with my nan on some weekends to visit her work friends where we were treated to warm and generous European hospitality (ie. much fussing over because my nan's friends loved children and many treats of home made biscuits and cakes). At Christmas time my nana would bring home gifts from these women of traditional Christmas foods such as panettone.

Having a young family of my own, I am keen to create some of our own Christmas traditions. Our cut + paste tree is shaping up to be one, as is making panforte. What traditions do you enjoy with your family? Or perhaps there are some from other cultures that you admire, I'd love to hear. Creating and honouring tradition makes life richer, brings deeper meaning to our celebrations and acknowledges history and ancestry.

Speaking of my young family, River had his last day of Prep today. I was as emotional as I was on his first day, completely unprepared for the heart swelling farewell to his beautiful teacher and the acknowledgment of all the wonderful ways he has grown this year in mind and heart.

In place of a list today, I have one special link...

My friend and mentor Samantha Gowing, who is a therapeutic chef with a flair for delicious food as medicine, launched her first ebook today. Filled with recipes, remedies and wonderful stories from Sam's life and kitchen, 'The Healing Feeling' represents 12 years of her experience and knowledge. It is a wonderful resource whether you are just starting out making better food choices or whether you are well underway on the real food journey.

The title of Sam's book speaks to me because from where I sit we could all do with some healing in one form or another, and if there's one need that is a growing one for many people it is nutritional healing. So, a big congratulations Sam on putting your heart, soul and wisdom into this beautiful book I know it will be valuable and life changing for many people.

Life is different when we are well nourished. We have more energy, more mental clarity, emotional balance and connection with the earth and the people we love.

On that note, I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and look forward to seeing you back here in 2013. I've decided to make this my last post for 2012 and savour each moment of the days between now and the New Year giving my full attention to my real life family and friends. Thank you my online friends for reading my blog this year, for your comments and friendship and being part of the wholefood movement. Here's to more people joining us on the wholefood path next year.

Peace and Joy to all.

Nikki xx

gone fishing

Thirty six degrees here today and as it happened conditions on the bay were good for Pete to take River for his second fishing trip in the boat. Sol talked his way onto the boat for a putt around before the big guys headed out further.

After school Pete, River and Sol did whatever they do to get ready for fishing, sorting rods and reels, threading hooks onto lines, organising bait, Sol tangling ropes and lines believing he is helping, and while this happened I took the opportunity to make phonecalls for work that are best made when children are not about to ask you for a snack or announce they need to do a poo. Tricky to sound professional at those moments. Anyhow, phonecalls made, fishing gear sorted we headed to the beach.

Sol isn't ready to join Pete and River fishing from the boat just yet, a couple more summers and some swimming lessons before that happens, so he and I spent our time beach combing while Pete and River went off on their boating adventure.

We watched pelicans take flight and squished our way through beds of seaweed walking from sandbar to sandbar, stopping to marvel at a starfish Sol announced that the starfish was hungry, "What do you think it eats?" I asked him. After thinking for a moment he told me with great confidence, "Pesto". Of course. Seaweed pesto, he could be on to something.

Pete and River were gone an hour as planned and returned having caught a squid that they decided to release. We've lived on this coastline long enough for Pete to know the fishing tides and grounds well, so it is rare he returns home with less than one meal to add to our wholefood table. These trips that are spent getting River used to being in the boat are about more than catching fish.

I am so grateful for our beach life, for the clean air, the saltwater, the sand between our toes, the opportunity to breathe beautiful natural surrounds in. Every. Single. Day. Oh and the fresh fish x

the art and craft of Christmas

Like most things in life, Christmas is what you make of it. It needn't be about mindless consumption, - be that of food or gifts. Each year the feeling around Christmas is different based on how the year has panned out, the people in your life, or those missing from your life. Christmas for me is a time of reflection, sharing, nurturing, remembering and celebrating being together.

On Sunday, River, Sol and I spent a good part of the day making our Christmas tree. Last year Sol slept while River and I created our cut + paste tree. This year he was old enough and interested enough to do some cutting and pasting of his own. Last year our tree was a collage tree. This year I pondered what we could do differently and I came up with the idea to create a Christmas family tree. So we went through a pile of photos that were already printed and picked out what would become our framed 'ornaments' to stick on the tree. In these times of digital photography, most of us take more photos than we'll ever know what to do with (or how to organise!) so having photos on the tree is a great way to actually enjoy the photos each time I walk past.

For me, crafting with small children is a great meditation on patience, surrender and delight. Ok, there's a pinch or two of frustration or exasperation at times. Patience while small fingers grapple with scissors and glue, surrender to their creative ideas as they burst over my own grand vision, and delight when we all become lost in the making and then stand back to admire the finished piece.

This weekend we also made very simple Christmas cards from white, green and red card cut with a guillotine (which was the exciting part for the boys) and decorated with trees and stars cut from foil. This year River was able to write the messages in the cards. Seeing his almost-in-grade-one handwriting will bring as much joy to the family and friends receiving the cards as it did to me as I watched him carefully form each letter and ask me how to spell certain words along the way.

I know for some craft and baking are not their 'thing'. Creativity though is core to the human spirit. Whatever way you spend creative time with your children, family or friends I hope that you are finding time to do so in these pre Christmas days, for me it feels so nurturing to step away from the daily demands and do a little making.

What are you making? Or not making. Do you love or loathe Christmas? How is it for you this year?

Linking up with Em at The BeetleShack

the first wave

Six am sees us up and heading to the beach most mornings. On this morning River and Sol 'helped' Pete carry his board up the sand at Broken Head. While Pete surfed we warmed ourselves in the sun, doing yoga, drawing sea creatures in the sand, having running races and lazing about.

When the boys spotted Pete making his way out of the water towards us they ran down to meet him and Sol decided he was ready to surf. Off came his clothes and into the water he leapt. River and I looked on as Pete carried the board under one arm and with his other hand gripped Sol's hand lifting him up and over the waves. River commented with pride and not a hint of envy, "Sol is so brave mum". With great glee and delight Sol laid on his tummy on the board and with a nudge from Pete caught his first wave back into shore. A proud surfing moment.

Occasionally my mind wanders forward in time to when I will have mornings and afternoons all to myself while Pete, River and Sol go surfing or fishing together. The day will come. The weekends will come. And does my mind wander to what would that time be like if we also had a daughter? I can with all honesty say I am so thrilled to be the mum of two adorable boys who have a wonderful father who loves them so much and shows it with his time. And perhaps if we had a daughter she would go surfing and fishing too!

Sol and River regularly ask, 'Can we have a baby sister?' to which the answer is sorry, no. (There are no guarantees baby number three would be a sister. Plus Pete and I feel too old for another baby! The boys have started working on me to adopt a baby sister. Sorry boys I don't think that will be happening either).

Right now in this season of their childhoods quiet times for me are few and I wouldn't have it any other way. I never wish for those quiet days to come faster because I know they will be here in a blink. Every single moment together right now is precious. As my wise and wonderful friend Mette says, "the moment is all we really have and if we are somewhere else in ourselves we miss the moment."

thirty eight

Today I celebrated my birthday in Byron Bay sunshine, with love from my gorgeous family and friends, cake covered in rose petals, generous gifts and happy phonecalls. I am thirty eight and grateful!

- birthday breakfast: blueberry, strawberry and banana smoothie made with rice milk and honey
- River and Sol in front of a quintessential Byron sticker coated van
- Lunch at Brunswick Heads Health Food Store (owned by our beautiful friend David)
- An afternoon cup of earl grey tea I had with my friend Ruth and her sweet twin babes who have just turned one and who my big boys are wrapping with love and attention
- A sweet gift from Pete and the boys
- And...me! I do love birthdays.

How about you? What do you love about birthdays?

welcome home banana & walnut bread

Let's not pretend. Banana bread is banana cake. Calling it bread tricks us into thinking it is healthier than cake but the ingredients are roughly the same. This applies equally to muffins. But you all knew that already didn't you? :) This story and recipe is of the wholefood cake variety and there is truth that wholefoods are better for you - even the cakes!

Pete had been away for the last couple of weeks in the Northern Territory photographing this year's Garma Festival. We welcomed him home with afternoon tea of homebaked banana and walnut bread and River made a 'banner' for the front door to show him how much we missed him.

It was a big trip for Pete personally as much as professionally because it's been eight years since he had seen his Yolgnu family. He was adopted by his Yoglnu Bapa (father) and Nandi (mother) in 2000 when he recorded 'Yolgnu Mali - Aboriginal Spirit '  his first photographic book about Aboriginal culture. (The book is sold out but the link shows the cover).

I do admire Pete's commitment to recording the stories and wisdom of Australian Indigenous people. There is a lot of misunderstanding and misrepresentation in the media.

We can't wait until next year when we will travel as a family to Arnhem Land. I haven't been to the Territory nor have River and Sol, the exquisiteness of the country and its people from what Pete tells me is like no other.

Perhaps I'll pack a couple of loaves of banana bread for the trip.

Let me know what you think of the recipe. Enjoy it with a cup of chai x

Banana and walnut bread

2 cups white spelt flour
3 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 cup powdered stevia
2 ripe bananas mashed
2 large or 3 small eggs, lightly beaten
1/2 cup melted coconut oil
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp ground nutmeg
1 tsp vanilla extract

Combine dry ingredients in a bowl.
Combine bananas and wet ingredients in another bowl.
Mix wet and dry ingredients together thoroughly.
Pour batter into a loaf tin lined with baking paper.
Bake at 180C for 35-45 minutes.

my (not so) wholefood superheroes

Six years ago today I gave birth to my very own little superhero, named River. He is fun and funny, thoughtful, curious, observant, insightful, musical, beach loving and life loving. Today we had a party to celebrate him. 

I remember taking River home from the hospital and being so enraptured with him (still am). After loving other people's babies all my life since I was a little girl, at age 31 I was thrilled to have a baby of my very own that I didn't have to give back to parents.

River's birth was also the birth of Pete and I as parents. Still so much to learn but I feel so blessed to be parenting with Pete and to have our beautiful boys.

Happy Birthday sweet River.

I had been wanting to start a birthday tradition that went beyond cake and presents. This year the idea came to me to make a birthday 'flag' (see below) I have sewn six hearts on this one, one for each of River's years and I plan to bring it out each birthday and add another heart or a star or some other symbol from that year, a drawing or treasure. And by the time he is a teenager perhaps me and my birthday flag will become embarrassing and I will love that part of the tradition and parenting too.

The cake. This year River requested a spiderman cake. Despite not watching commercial television and being part of a Steiner community from his birth, those 'outside' influences are creeping in. I was very happy to create his dream birthday cake, though it meant breaking the wholefood rules and using wait for it...red food coloring! Beetroot juice colouring would just not give this brilliant red result:

I cut the whites of the eyes out of paper, spun a licorice web and it was done. Simple but effective, yes? Beneath that scarlet red buttercream icing is a dense and decadent chocolate cake that Pete and I tussled over the timing of when it should be removed from the oven. No one likes a dry cake agreed. But my dear Pete, raw cake does not really make for good eating either. I'm happy to say that between us we got the timing right and the cake was fudgy in the centre without being raw.

The recipe comes from a friend's mum who makes the cake each year for her grandson's birthday. It is so simple and a winner every time. This is the recipe as I received it:

1 cup of drinking chocolate
1.5 cups of caster sugar
2 cups self raising flour
1.5 cups milk
2 eggs
125 grams butter melted
1 teaspoon vanilla

Beat all together.

I amended it because most drinking chocolate has sugar in it, the one I used is sweetened with stevia, so I reduced the sugar to half a cup (I used golden unrefined caster sugar). I added 2 tablespoons of cocoa and I also chopped up 100 grams of dark chocolate and through the chips into the mix. I wanted to make a bigger cake to I added another egg, 1 more cup of flour, took the butter up to 200g and added another half cup of milk. And then yes, mixed it all together. Poured into a greased and lined tin and baked at 180C for around 45 minutes.

We set the guest list at six children, one for each year and it was perfect. They played in the treehouse, played with musical instruments, enjoyed a treasure hunt and pinata, ate home made dips, spinach and ricotta pies, mini beef pies followed by cake and jelly orange quarters, washed down with homemade lemonade. Two hours of excitement and fun with his new school buddies. Part of me felt sad that his 'old' friends weren't there, his kinder buddies whose mums are my closest friends here on the Peninsula. But hey, he's growing up and I have to move with that.

And as the last 'lolly' bag (containing yoghurt frog, carob licorice and honey lollipop) was handed out and River's guests were all waved goodbye, the rain that had held off began to fall and I savoured the day as I washed dishes, picked up balloons and sorted gifts of magic kits, paints and games. Quiet fell on the house. River and Sol settled in to watch a movie and when I had happily restored our surrounds to order I sat down to a sweet moment of my first piece of birthday cake and a cup of tea with Pete feeling completely satisfied with the day. As evening neared River's words, "I never want this day to end" said it all. Blissfully he is six :)

fill your cup

Six women, a newborn, a toddler and a preschooler, we gathered in a local cafe by the sea for morning tea to celebrate a friend's birthday. The gathering started and ended with tears, not from the children, from the mothers. That's how it is sometimes when we women get together. Over coffee, chai and decadent housemade lamingtons standing tall covered with chocolate icing and shredded coconut, we talked, shared, remembered, laughed and cried. My friend Luci and I say its not a catch up unless one of us cries. And then through tears we crack up laughing at ourselves. 

An hour or almost two spent together at a long wooden table, our chatter ranged from children starting school, new leather carry bag show and tell, to making cheese, milking goats, making bread, marvellous mother in laws, numerology, technology, television, cookbooks, Byron Bay, healing cancer, babysitting, massage...and it was time for me to leave and head back to my day with Sol. Thanks ladies for filling me up with your friendship and stories. And that goes for you online ladies too my new friends whose words and pictures I think of at various mummy moments in the day, when I'm washing the dishes, planning a story in my head, working out what to cook for dinner, dashing out the door to do the school run. It fills me up to know we're all in this together.

start 'em young

Developing a love of nutritious food at a young age goes a long way to setting people up (hopefully) for a lifetime of health and happiness. With rates of childhood obesity and diabetes sadly on the rise there is much to be done to put children and their parents on a positive path when it comes to eating well. Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution has inspired more children to eat well than any food pyramid ever will, and Stephanie Alexander's Kitchen Garden Foundation is taking children back to the source teaching them that real food comes from the earth not from packets. I think independent, innovative programs like these are fantastic because they engage children in a meaningful way and that is the true way to make a difference.

So, when a newsletter from my old friends at The Pantry in Church Street Brighton arrived in my inbox I read with interest that they have started a program called 'Pantry Garden Kitchen'.

I worked at The Pantry on and off for almost ten years, starting when I was 19 (where did that time go?!). The Pantry has grown from a bustling corner cafe into an award winning restaurant. Families with young children have always been a big part of their regular clientele and now that the owners and managers have young children it made sense to start a program that inspired children to eat well.

The Pantry's General Manager Tim Purton-Smith says, "The program is in its infancy but we are really excited about its potential. We are looking at ways to make teaching kids about healthy food the most appealing it can be, making it fun. We had a great morning at a local primary school recently with the take home message for the kids being they need to be eating twice as many vegetables as they are now. The feedback from parents and staff has been really positive. The kids had fun and are asking to eat more vegies!"

If you live in Melbourne and are interested in having The Pantry visit your school give Tim a call on 9591 0393.

mothers know best

My plans of ice-skating, catching up with kinder friends, visiting my nan in the country have all been thwarted by a very nasty, hard hitting dose of winter ills and chills. Pow. With little warning, River, Sol and I have spent the past four days with fever, chills, hacking coughs, head and body aches. Somehow Pete has escaped the bug and remained well to deal with the mountain of washing that always accompanies sickness and to make us soup and tea.

River and I are steadily climbing our way towards wellness on soup, tea and vitamin C (plus an excellent herbal cough relief concoction by Greenridge). When I placed (pictured) bowl of soup in front of River at 8am yesterday his response was "Chicken noodle soup! For breakfast?!" Yes, today that is breakfast.

Our little buddy Sol's temperature had been hovering around 39.5 for two days and by the third morning even though his temperature had dropped he was still wanting to sleep a lot and was whimpering, I didn't feel at all comfortable with this so I took him off to the doctor who confirmed he has a chest infection. Boo hoo. Poor little man.

As much as I am a food-as-medicine, natural remedy kinda gal and prefer not to give my children antibiotics at the first sign of a sniffle, I do value a diagnosis from a medical doctor for my peace of mind and I am thankful that pharmaceutical medicine exists for times when we need it most. Unfortunately, it is the 'for times when we need it most' part that is lost in the power of advertising and on those driving pharmaceutical company profit lines. 

Like all mothers I find it difficult to see my children unwell and want to make them comfortable and have them in good health again asap. And if I can do that using rest, natural remedies and TLC all the better. If my boys are really unwell and showing no sign of improving, I take them to the doctor. After many years of learning about food as medicine and natural remedies, I trust my judgement and when in doubt I call on like minded friends and family to compare notes and have my trusted natural therapies practitioners I consult too. There is still a lot more learning for me to do and more growing in confidence with caring for my sick children. Making decisions about how to care for your child when they are unwell is one of the many things that there is no preparation for when you become a parent.

Trusting your instinct is of course the most important thing to do. When River was 3 and woke in the night with a cough I had never heard from him before my instinct was to immediately ring an ambulance. And I was so glad I did. He had a severe bout of croup, he had never had croup before, and was taken to hospital in the ambulance with Pete where he had to have oxygen and steroid medication and stay under observation. When I arrived at the hospital later the nurse said never to feel like I was over-reacting, it was always better to seek help than wait and see. This particularly applies to anything to do with breathing!

So, back to Sol and his chest infection. I went to the chemist with a prescription for antibiotics and asked for some children's ibuprofen (brand here is Nurofen). Sol is susceptible to ear infections and in the past when he has had an ear infection if I give him paracetamol he vomits. I talked this over with the doctor and he suggested I try children's ibuprofen if his temperature rose again and he was in pain. An interesting discussion followed with the pharmacist who does not recommend Nurofen for children (she does though stock it) due to the fact is too harsh on their tummies and she has seen an increased incidence Nurofen induced asthma in children, which she said "no one is talking about". Well we are now. The marketing for paracetamol and ibuprofen aimed at treating children is completely irresponsible in my opinion (and that of the pharmacist's), it plays totally on the vulnerability of parent's of sick children. The truth about fever is that it is a natural response to fighting infection and is not in and of itself dangerous, and therefore in the vast majority of cases does not need treating with said products.

If you want to read up on fever in children this fact sheet from the Royal Children's Hospital in Melbourne provides a good summary of what to look for and what to do or not do, and for a more in-depth article go to this pdf file of Kindred magazine and scroll down to page 20 where you will find 'Fever - your child's best friend'.

If you're still reading I hope it was a helpful post, it turned out to be a long one but there are so many things to navigate out there when it comes to health and wellbeing I always think it is worthwhile sharing experience and comparing notes. Here's to good health and good advice when it comes to health care.