Tuesday, November 19, 2013
supply + demand
The self-learning continues. Lately I've been feeling the demands of my three beloved males, pushing and pulling, spinning me around as I dance to the beat of their drum. At times the relentlessness of trying to be creative and fulfil my ambitions while tending to domestic and family life with grace, leaves me feeling, well, weighted down and a little off kilter.
And so. What to do? How to come back to centre?
I admit last week was a particularly 'demanding' week, with River having ear infections in both ears, Sol slicing his foot open on a broken piece of glass, Pete having a man flu, my neck and shoulder muscles seizing up, River burning his leg on a steel bucket filled with hot ash, then just as River is getting well Sol cries with ear pain and develops a cough. Oh, and did I mention getting my period and my mother-in-law and her dog arriving to stay?
I remember a similar feeling in my twenties, with friends, where I felt swamped by my need to
over-supply. Instead of easing back, laying boundaries I just pulled out of the friendship. All or nothing just like that, cut off supply. That's not an option this time, nor was it a good choice the previous times.
So, I must adjust my ways so that my three guys adjust theirs. Being married, being a mother, being creative stretches me in the most wonderful ways. The self-learning: it's ok not to be available 'on tap', it doesn't mean I love them any less and they won't love me any less; it's ok to send them to find their own socks, make their own snack and for Dad to step in and me to step out. In fact it is right and important that all of that happens and it is up to me to redirect demands and conserve my supply.
Have you ever taken a holiday without your family? The hour here and there I take to catch my breath, the five hours once a week with River at school and Sol at kinder isn't quite cutting it. I think a mama holiday is on my horizon.
If you have taken some time away where did you go? what did you do? did the missing your family outweigh the 'filling you cup'? or was it just perfect? I'd love to hear.