The self-learning continues. Lately I've been feeling the demands of my three beloved males, pushing and pulling, spinning me around as I dance to the beat of their drum. At times the relentlessness of trying to be creative and fulfil my ambitions while tending to domestic and family life with grace, leaves me feeling, well, weighted down and a little off kilter.
And so. What to do? How to come back to centre?
I admit last week was a particularly 'demanding' week, with River having ear infections in both ears, Sol slicing his foot open on a broken piece of glass, Pete having a man flu, my neck and shoulder muscles seizing up, River burning his leg on a steel bucket filled with hot ash, then just as River is getting well Sol cries with ear pain and develops a cough. Oh, and did I mention getting my period and my mother-in-law and her dog arriving to stay?
I remember a similar feeling in my twenties, with friends, where I felt swamped by my need to
over-supply. Instead of easing back, laying boundaries I just pulled out of the friendship. All or nothing just like that, cut off supply. That's not an option this time, nor was it a good choice the previous times.
So, I must adjust my ways so that my three guys adjust theirs. Being married, being a mother, being creative stretches me in the most wonderful ways. The self-learning: it's ok not to be available 'on tap', it doesn't mean I love them any less and they won't love me any less; it's ok to send them to find their own socks, make their own snack and for Dad to step in and me to step out. In fact it is right and important that all of that happens and it is up to me to redirect demands and conserve my supply.
Have you ever taken a holiday without your family? The hour here and there I take to catch my breath, the five hours once a week with River at school and Sol at kinder isn't quite cutting it. I think a mama holiday is on my horizon.
If you have taken some time away where did you go? what did you do? did the missing your family outweigh the 'filling you cup'? or was it just perfect? I'd love to hear.
Since becoming a mother this is the feeling I struggle with the most. I am a fairly solitary person and quite introverted (so is my husband and Anouk seems to be shaping up the same way, so things sometimes get interesting around here!) and when I have a bad day, I dream of holidaying on my own. I am planning to have a weekend away but not for a long time, Delphi will have to wean first and that could be a couple of years still.
ReplyDeleteI hope this week is a better one for you and that you have a lovely time with your MIL. Luna. xx
Thanks Luna for sharing your experience with this. I kind of laugh at myself because my goal is to do this by the time my youngest is 5! I laugh because I have friends that have gone overseas with their husband or friend when their children are babies I just couldn't! We did have a lovely time with my MIL thank you xx
DeleteOh a mama holiday! Now, that is what dreams are made of! I too take on a lot and it is hard sometimes to take stock & focus. I think you need to choose a holiday that suits the situation - for me, I would struggle to feel guilty & miss anyone if I'm at a spa retreat getting facials, massages, doing yoga & sleeping...but if I was just sightseeing I might miss tiny Teddy, as I would be thinking about how he'd love the sights too. I hope you get your holiday & a much needed rest! Much love xox
ReplyDeleteThanks Audrey. I am having a rest tonight, quiet house, quinoa dark chocolate, rooibos tea, reading and writing that's a vacation for me at this stage :) xx
DeleteNikki, Nikki! I dream of this daily, hourly probably. I sit back and imagine lying somewhere without the responsibilities, without the demands, without the relentlessness of it all. Just a couple of days, I think, or a week... a month? I'm thinking about a two/three-day yoga retreat sometime next year, but today I decided that I would take myself off before Christmas for an entire day to some food markets in Sydney (get up early, NOT do the breakfast thing right through to NOT doing the dinner/bedtime thing). That will do just nicely for the time being.
ReplyDeleteThat is a genius plan Vanessa. Genius I tell you. I am now dreaming of a blog mummy escape...let's all meet in Sydney and go to the food markets!...That part is a dream at this moment but a day by myself locally I reckon I could do. Enjoy xx
DeleteI'm just about to turn the computer off and go to bed but clicked on your blog and I just had to laugh at the week you had...........just the descriptions of each event and then there was more, and then there was more.........AND then there was more.....I think even writing/typing it out shows that you have survived what was an extremely hectic week and are still standing (albeit tired, exhausted and nothing left in the tank) but you did make it.....mothering is hard at the best of times but topping it off with the hubby having man flu where they get to lay in bed having their flu vs the Mummy flu which requires no down time, no bed rest, no lighter house duties....I don't think the saying should be "having it all"..............I think it's just "doing it all". I think maybe a dinner with a girlfriend at night vs the day time coffee.....that would seem like a night off or maybe an evening movie - a rom com to take your mind off your to do list. Now....it's time for my bedtime. I'm sure your week can only improve on last week. Regards Kathy A, Brisbane, Australia
ReplyDeleteI know Kathy it makes me laugh too! Thanks for your wise suggestion to go out for dinner or a movie. I'm happy to report my husband is back to about 98% good health and suggested tonight that I book a massage :) Thanks for stopping by x
DeleteI look forward to a Mummy break as soon as my girls are a little older too. The only way for me to take a break is by leaving the house. But going for a coffee or to the supermarket on my own, it's quite cutting it for me anymore!!! I had a friend who went on a Mummy health retreat to a health spa in Phuket. She never left the resort, did yoga, all organic meals were provided. Sounded divine!!!
ReplyDeleteIt's funny isn't it how when your children are little that going to the supermarket solo is a highlight! Your friend's retreat does sound divine but Phuket is too far away for me to go from my family I am too attached! But definitely something local I will do. x
DeleteI get completely overwhelmed by all the wants and needs. I think it's harder for introverts to be 'on' as a parent all the time. I go on an annual road trip recharge all by myself. It really helps me to get the space I need. I also take myself off to the movies regularly - it's the one place where I can really focus and forget about my to do list for a while. I go at least once a fortnight. It's like a mini holiday. x
ReplyDeleteI am currently filling my cup as we speak. It feels wonderful, some quiet uninterrupted peace. Sending some fairy wishes and butterfly kisses your way. I hope you get your break soon and enjoy every moment of it
ReplyDelete